


My Best Friend is a 9 Year-Old

by CO32minus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Autistic Kageyama Tobio, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, I really like siblings ok, I'm Bad At Tagging, Internalized Homophobia, Kageyama and Natsu are best friends, Light Angst, Light-Hearted, Love, M/M, POV Kageyama Tobio, and just
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-03-02 11:49:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13317471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CO32minus/pseuds/CO32minus
Summary: Kageyama didn't expect to become friends with Hinata nearly as fast as he did. He expected becoming best friends with Hinata's sister even less. But over the course of his high school career, the two of them grow closer than any friend Kageyama has had in a long time. A long time.





	1. Being Friends with Hinata Natsu

**Author's Note:**

> Friendshiiiiiiiip keeps me aliiiive

In some ways people decide who their friends are. In others, there’s absolutely no way to decide who walks into your life, and when. There’s no discerning if at the last moment, you can’t attend the school you thought you would, or if you happen to meet someone friendly at a park, or who moves in next door to you.

You can’t decide what kind of people are going to be around you, and how they’ll feel about you, or how you’ll feel about them. You can certainly try. You can try your damndest to like them, even if they’re awful or rude, but in the end, you sometimes can’t help but feel the way you do.

And so it’s not Kageyama’s fault, not really, that Hinata Natsu becomes his friend.

Their first encounter went just as well as Kageyama’s reputation with children would allow. He knocked on the door to Hinata’s house and fiddled mindlessly with the vinyl strap of his bag. It was his first time going to a friend’s house in a long time. A long time.

There was no reason to be nervous. But he kind of was. Just a little bit. Kageyama cleared his throat a couple times, knocking at the door again after getting nothing the first time. He must have just been too quiet, because after the second knock there was a thundering of feet and the familiar chirp of Hinata’s voice.

“I’m coming!” He called, just barely audible through the wall. Followed by a fit of giggles Kageyama didn’t think Shouyou would make. Sure his laugh was bubbly sometimes, and he had the habit of squeaking when getting too excited, but this laugh was too high pitched. Too light. Almost girlish.

And then the door flew open, and Kageyama knew immediately Hinata did not make those sounds. It was _her_. He glared down at her, placing her shock of orange hair and round brown eyes immediately. The same small nose as Hinata.

The gears shifted in his head then. _She is Hinata_ . He realized. _Not Hinata Shouyou. Hinata...something_. Kageyama had no idea. So often (and by that he meant literally always) were his conversations with Hinata about volleyball, that he had almost no inkling of the rest of the other boy’s life. Their grades were both poor, and he came from a different town than Kageyama, but that was just about the extent of his knowledge. They’d only known each other for maybe seven months. Seven months of pure volleyball.

But it made sense that Hinata was a brother. He seemed ready to adapt to weird circumstances should something go awry, ready to argue at the drop of a pin, and if Kageyama was being generous, he was reliable.

When he needed to be.

Reliable in the way that when Kageyama starts to doubt himself, Hinata could without a doubt remind him that he’s not alone.

 _I’m here_. Hinata often seemed to say to him.

Much in the same way, Kageyama assumed Hinata would say to the child in front of him.

 _The child,_ he remembered. A very pressing matter.

His face made no effort to change - or at least not to lighten. Kageyama’s brow furrowing further the longer he looked at the little girl. And the longer he looked, the more her face blanched.

Her eyes widened, her body shrank back, and her mouth quivered as if ready to apologize. Kageyama scared yet another child.

Cursing himself but not knowing what else to do, he pulled his mouth into a frown almost reflexively.

But before she could retreat further, Hinata (the idiot) finally made his way over, scooping her up into his arms. She rested her head into his shoulder instinctively.

She was still half of Hinata’s body size, and yet he carried her like it was nothing. Hinata have must been stronger than Kageyama gave credit.

“Natsu,” Hinata said, smiling brightly and softly. He put a hand on her back as she leaned away from him, looking him in the eye. So that was her name. _Natsu_. “This is Kageyama.”

Kageyama bowed, stilted and a little embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to scare her as much as he did, that was never his intention. And yet.

“Say hello to Kageyama.” Hinata - er _Shouyou_ \- chirped. “I know Kageyama looks scary but he’s harmless!”

“Oi!” Kageyama pouted to the side. He found his eyebrows creasing and relaxing, unsure of what to do with themselves; his usual protective grumpiness fighting with the need to _stop scaring the child_.

Shouyou whispered something into his sister’s ear as he let out a giggle, _his_ giggle. Natsu smiled a little at whatever he said and then blinked, her eyelashes just as long and dark as Shouyou’s, squirming a little and letting herself out of his arms.

“Hello.” She said. Her voice steady but a little wary.

Kageyama’s eyebrows finally released themselves and he bowed again, slightly. “Hello.”

“My name is Natsu, and I’m seven, and you can come into my house now,” one word tumbling out after the other, losing all sense of caution. And with them, she took Kageyama’s hand in hers (or more she took as many of his fingers as she could), grip strong and warm and small as she pulled him into the Hinata household.

And thus began a great change in Kageyama’s life.

 

It was almost as if Natsu was a different person once Kageyama crossed the threshold. He took off his shoes her hand still on his, but she looked at him, not a trace of fear left in her, only curiosity and a slight defensiveness.

He soon found out why she was defensive when all three kids went into Shouyou’s room. They sat on his floor, blankets and pillows and old socks thrown about like the smallest whirlwind ever had passed through. That first moment of relative silence filled Kageyama with a sudden dread. This is what he had been nervous about.

_What do you do with people when you’re not playing volleyball?_

As he took off his bag, the soft scuffing of it against his windbreaker whispering throughout the room, he wracked his brain for answers. He used to know these things. Once upon a time, when he was Natsu’s age he knew these things. But back then it was all games of tag or hide and seek, not things 15 year-olds typically do. Unless they’re with a seven year-old maybe?

“Kageyama do you want me to take your coat? Our house has central heating so you should be fine without it.” Shouyou offered amiably.

Blinking, Kageyama nodded and took his windbreaker and hoodie off, leaving only a long-sleeved t-shirt underneath. But instead of taking it away himself, Shouyou handed it off to Natsu.

“Can you put these in the closet?” Shouyou tilted his head as he asked. Kageyama wondered, if maybe, even slightly, Shouyou was trying to be “cute”.

But Natsu was resolute. “Why do I have to do it? You took his coat!”

“He’s _my_ friend. Please Natsu?”

She looked so thoroughly harassed Kageyama almost smiled. With a full 90 centimeters of attitude she took the coats and stopped, weight on one leg, her neck stuck out. She turned her head to Kageyama, looking him straight in the eye and pointed at her brother.

“He’s stupid.” And then she left.

Shouyou puffed up his cheeks at her and stuck out his tongue ever so slightly, closing the door after her.

So they would have no seven year-old with them. Kageyama was out of ideas for this “play-date”.

Turning back around, Shouyou seemed a little perkier than when Natsu was with them. “What do you wanna do?” He asked.

_Oh no._

“Uh,” Kageyama looked down at the floor. So many socks. “I don’t know, I thought maybe you had something planned.”

Shouyou shook his head. “Not really. Normally when friends come over we just sort of talk,” _No_ . He was not good at ‘just sort of talking’ _._ “Or we play video games or something.” _Better_.

Both of them turned at the sound of the door sliding open, and Natsu walked back in. By the look on Shouyou’s face he had been hoping to be left alone.

“What?” She said, reading her brother’s mind. “I have my own hands and feet.” She put said hands on her hips.

“Natsu, I just kind of wanted to hang out with my friend today. Just the two of us.”

“You normally let me be with you when Izumin comes over. Or even Koji! You definitely let me hang out with you when Yachi comes over.” _Yachi had been here?_

“Yeah but that’s different.”

Natsu squinted at him.

“Ok so it’s not, but I always ask you to leave us alone!”

“And I never do.”

“You said you’re seven?” Kageyama can’t help but ask. He doesn’t have siblings and he can’t remember if seven year-olds are normally this sassy. Or well spoken. He certainly wasn’t.

“Yep!” She nodded and clasped her hands behind her back.

“Natsuuuuuu,” Shouyou whined like he was the child. “Please?”

She then shook not just her head, but her entire body. “We’re just gonna have to play Smash with all three of us.” And then she smiled and widened her eyes in a way that was definitely a show of her trying to be cute. And Shouyou took the bait.

He looked at Kageyama, his lips a little pouty, but not entirely disappointed. Kageyama though that possibly, on some level, Shouyou might enjoy his sister’s presence. Imagine that.

“You wanna play Smash?”

 

Smash was quickly becoming Kageyama’s least favorite game. He only played when his cousins came to visit his house and he found more fun in weight training or jogging when he was alone than in sitting in front of the family television playing against a CPU for hours. You had to be dedicated to find these games fun to play alone. And Kageyama was not.

Plus, Kageyama played Melee on the Gamecube, and the Hinatas played Super Smash Bros on the WiiU. They had given Kageyama the gamepad, which he wasn’t entirely against because he could look at his own little screen and focus on that but, then he had so many buttons. And ok there weren’t like, a lot, but it was different and weird, and he felt like he needed to press all the buttons even though he _really_ didn’t, and why did Natsu choose Kirby _he_ wanted to be Kirby what the _fuck_.

He felt a smack on his leg and then watched as he launched himself off the edge of the map and failed to jump back up in time. His final stock, lost. Goodbye Pikachu.

“What was that for?” Kageyama growled at Shouyou. Shouyou looked back at him, not speaking, mouth pressed into a firm line as he raised his eyebrows incredibly high and then jerked his head at Natsu. “Oh no did I say that out loud?”

Shouyou nodded and then let out a puff of laughter. “I don’t think she was listening, but don’t swear in front of her.”

Feeling kinda guilty Kageyama bowed a little. When he looked back at the screen, Shouyou’s stock dropped to zero. Natsu turned back to look at both of them, an long tight smile pulled across her face, eyes squinted with incredible smugness. Kirby posed on screen, a little wreathed “1” by his head.

“Again!” Shouyou shouted, and Kageyama was glad he said it first, because at this rate, he was going to start a rivalry with the entire Hinata family.

 

At the end of the day Kageyama found everything went more smoothly than anticipated. After coming to grips with the reality of never winning at Smash, he frustratedly added another loss to his list. Though he only _sort of_ counted it as a win to Shouyou. It was a half-win on his part, a half-win on Natsu’s part (a strange new column he wasn’t sure _how to_ or _if he should_ keep track of.)

Thankfully he didn’t really care that much, and while it seemed like the Hinatas could go on forever, they seemed equally observant and both noticed Kageyama was hardly trying at the end. So instead they shifted through a couple of other games ( _Mario Party, Mario Kart, Mario whatever_ ) and despite not enjoying these games nearly as much as volleyball, Kageyama would say in the end he had a good time.

At some point the three of them made lunch and did the dishes. Kageyama learned that their parents both had day jobs and normally returned in the evening. And with all the game playing, and figuring out the Natsu variable, Kageyama spent his entire day with the Hinata siblings, and he didn’t even mind.

He realized how much time had passed, only when there was the click of the door. Both siblings’ heads turned in time, their hair seeming to perk up. And then they rushed their parents at the door like a pair of puppies, small happy sounds at their long awaited return.

Kageyama sat on the couch and watched the assault. Their father was sort of short for a man, definitely taller than Shouyou but by maybe 10 centimeters at most. His hair was a deep brown, almost black actually. His skin had a warm pink undertone and he had distinctly smiling eyes. Their mother on the other hand, had almost auburn hair, as if it had once been the bright orange of her children and overtime it had darkened.

 _Would Shouyou’s hair darken?_ Kageyama kind of hoped not. Why? He didn’t know, but there was something about the color that fit with Shouyou’s personality.

But his mother did have the same excited brown eyes and soft face as her children, both of them taking more after her than their father.

All the same, both parents smiled with the type of unhindered optimism that Shouyou always shined down on everyone. Their faces seeming to have aged with happiness. Kageyama could see it dancing at the corners of their mouths and eyes.

They all just seemed...loving.

Finally addressing Kageyama, Papa Hinata walked over to the couch, hands on his hips. Kageyama bowed and then Papa Hinata gave him a firm handshake.

“Welcome to our house! Finally,” He laughed, voice just as warm as the rest of him. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

Kageyama blushed a little. “Ah. Or, yes. Thank you for having me today.”

“You’re always welcome here,” Mama Hinata interjected with a glance at her son. “Any friend of Shouyou’s is welcome here.”

And with a few more words and a freshly made dinner, ended the first of many visits to the Hinata household.

 

Over the next year and a half, Kageyama visited Hinata’s house more often than he has ever visited anyone — excluding family. And just like that first day, Natsu was always there. At first she clung to her brother, a little jealous of Kageyama’s intrusion on her time with Shouyou, jealous as younger siblings very often get. But quickly she took interest in Kageyama himself.

She never seemed scared when she opened the door anymore.

And beyond his ability to not-frown at her, Kageyama started to feel like she was a genuine, actual friend.

There were several little events, moments where maybe Kageyama and Natsu were left alone for a minute, or when she only focused on Kageyama, that Kageyama slowly learned that Natsu possessed all the things he felt made an excellent friend.

And they were as such:

 

* * *

**Hinata Natsu is a Good Listener**

* * *

 

 

“Do you know what a cuticle is?” Kageyama sits cross-legged at the Hinatas’ coffee table, a well-used wooden thing. There are little scratches and nicks in the polish, but its sturdy. In front of him are a series of things. Two different nail clippers, a nail file, and a plentiful array of brightly colored nail polishes amongst other things. And of course, Hinata Natsu.

“Why don’t you do _your_ chores Natsu?” Shouyou nags. He stares down at the two of them over a tall pile of laundry. Too much stuffed into the basket at once.

“She asked me to do this for her a little while ago,” Offers Kageyama. “Or do you also want your nails done?”

At that Shouyou frowns to one side and sighs. There’s a long pause. And then he just stalks away to the laundry room, making a show of carrying too-much-laundry.

Natsu looks at Kageyama as if Shouyou had said nothing. “No I don’t know what a cuticle is.” She blinks at him ready to learn. A couple of months ago, while the weather was still blistering cold Natsu had noted Kageyama’s hands had a distinct _lack_ of blisters. In fact they were smooth skinned, and while callused, seemed to have no wear from the weather at all. And to top it all off, his nails were particularly well-kept. Not painted (because Kageyama didn’t deem it necessarily, and it would probably chip a lot during volleyball) but upon seeing his skill with everything else, and being a young girl fond of overbearingly bright colors and patterns, Natsu wanted her nails painted. Along with whatever Kageyama did that kept his hands so healthy.

So, despite it now being the end of March when she’d asked all the way back in January, Kageyama finally is getting around to giving her the manicure she’d asked for.

“This is your cuticle,” He says, taking Natsu’s hand in his. “It’s this little piece of dead skin here and it’s connected to the eponychium. That’s the word for the skin that’s alive right here, at the place your nail grows out of. Besides just using a lot of lotion and wearing gloves to protect your hands from the wind, you have to really take care of your cuticles.”

“Epon…” She starts, small brows pushed together. “Epon...kum?”

“Epon-ih-kee-um.”

“Eponychium.” Natsu repeats and puts her hands down on the table. “Why do you have to take care of your cuticles?”

“If you don’t it’s really easy for your skin to tear here. Do you ever get little cuts on your finger ? It gets really painful and sore” Kageyama mimes with his hands but has none to actually show Natsu.

“Yeah. That’s because of your cuticles?”

He nods. “Because it’s dead it  can get caught on stuff really easily. I’m going to show you how to take care of it.” He brings over a bowl of warm water and puts her hands in, the metal reflecting the peachy color of her skin. “This is just to sort of clean your hands a little bit, relax them, and soften them up.” He looks around the table and frowns.

“What?” Natsu asks. She wiggles her fingers in the water and watches it slosh around.

“Do you have any normal towels. Not paper towels but cloth ones?”

“Yes we do!” Tilting her head back and squeezing her eyes shut, she lets forth a vicious cry. “SHOUYOU.”

“WHAT?” Shouyou screams back. He slaps open the door to the laundry room, which is literally right behind them. “I AM RIGHT HERE WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING.”

“SHOUYOU.”

“WHAT?”

“Do we have towels?”

“Yes of course we have towels.”

Natsu nods for Kageyama to follow Shouyou into their utility room, and he does, grabbing a couple hand towels before sitting back down. He takes Natsu’s hands out of the bowl and wipes them off. It’s kind of quiet between them right now, but both are focused on the task at hand.

And with spring just on the horizon, the occasional chirp of a bird or the rustle of leaves, it’s all very soothing.

“Why couldn’t you use paper towels?” Natsu asks softly.

“They would kind of just...suck.” The little girl accepts this answer with a knowing nod.

When Kageyama finishes drying her hands he scoots in closer to her, takes up one of the smaller nail clippers and leans his elbows on the table. Carefully he clips her nails, brushing the dead parts into a pile. He inspects his handiwork, making sure he got everything. Then he picks up a file.

At first Natsu grits her teeth at the feeling, and Kageyama knows it’s admittedly a little strange, but she relaxes into it after getting used to the grain.

“When you file your nails don’t move back and forth.” He says, swiping it across each nail a few times in one direction. “That makes the texture rougher and the purpose of filing your nails is to smooth them out. When they’re rough they catch on things and you’re more likely to break or tear them. Also,” he stops filing for a moment to hold it in front of her face. “Don’t angle it under your nail, do it flat. When you angle it you thin out the tip of your nail and that also makes it easy to break.”

She nods her head as he finishes up, only swiping each nail a few times. Any more than that is unnecessary. Then he just places her hands on the table and squirts a liberal amount of lotion on his hands. It smells like cucumbers and melon. He massages the lotion into her hands, rubbing each of her fingers and her palm, not just working the lotion in but kneading at the muscles to relax her.

Natsu giggles, “It feels weird.” She sticks out her tongue a little. Kageyama smiles very faintly back.

He rubs the lotion very gently into her cuticles, and when she crunches her nose up, he can’t help but break into a full smile. He pats down her hands to remove excess lotion, the towel hardly touching her at all really.

“This,” Kageyama says picking up a slim metal tool. “Is a cuticle pusher.”

“Fancy name.”

“Yes.” Kageyama nods. “So I just put all that lotion on to soften your hands and cuticles. I’m going to use this to push them back — sometimes it hurts because people do it roughly or really scrape to get all of the cuticle off, but I’m going to try and be careful ok?” As he pushes back her cuticles, he explains the importance of not cutting them. When you do it puts you at risk of infection.

And with that ends the reach of Kageyama’s knowledge. He supposes he should probably more thoroughly wipe down her nails and take all the lotion off if he’s going to paint them. _Shit_ he has to paint them. He guesses he’s just going to have to try

“I’m not good at this part,” He admits. “I’ve never actually...done this before.”

“That’s ok!” She says as he wipes down her fingernails. “Whenever I try it gets messy and looks bad. Shouyou can’t do it either. So if you mess up that’s ok.”

She flexes her fingers as they debate what color to use, and eventually go with a bright coral color. Kageyama isn’t the biggest fan of it by itself but maybe it’ll look better once actually on her nails. Or maybe not, because he’s never done this before.

In the end it doesn’t turn out too awful. There are some splotches that go over the edges of her nails, spilling onto skin, but she screams to Shouyou again to get cotton swabs for them. Kageyama cleans up the paint job and the tips of his own fingers with nail polish remover and Q-tips. “Why do you know so much about nails Kageyama?” Natsu asks. The air is filled with the light tapping of her fingers against the table as they dry.

He creases his brow. “I...I needed to take care of my hands for volleyball. I don’t want to bandage them up because then I can’t feel the ball right, and I don’t want to be in pain while trying to focus on setting, so I needed to take care of them. So I read up on it. It was kind of hard to read because of the words and strange kanji,” It probably stuck in his head because it was sort of volleyball-related. “And one of my uncles is a nail technician so he helped me.”

Natsu hums and looks up at him, eyes dazzling. “Thank you so much Kageyama.” She laughs and looks over her nails again, appreciative. “Eponychium.”

She’d listened to every word.

 

* * *

**Hinata Natsu is Straightforward**

* * *

 

Natsu shovels rice into her mouth. Shouyou shovels rice into his mouth. It’s yet another trait they share in common, an incredible wolfish appetite running in the Hinata bloodline. Not that Kageyama can judge, because he too is shovelling rice into his mouth.

The two boys had spent most of the day actually attempting to study, sitting around a table they’d dragged into Shouyou’s room, scratching their heads in equal confusion. Kageyama isn’t sure why they even tried considering that whenever either one is confused so is the other. And on the rare occasion that they aren’t, they’re most likely still wrong.

The school year has just started, so things aren’t getting heavy yet, but both boys want to keep up a little. They have a reputation to uphold as senpai, and considering the near death experience of almost-not-going-to-Tokyo-training-camp, neither one is particularly keen on maintaining bad grades.

Unfortunately they still kind of are. They’re better than last year — most of Kageyama’s grades being in the double digits so far. But considering that’s an accomplishment speaks volumes on their actual success.

But they were trying, and straining for a few hours straight and being left just as confused as you started is exhausting.

So when lunch time rolls around both boys jump at the prospect of food. Natsu had opened Shouyou’s door, a tiny bandana wrapped around her head ready to cook. Shouyou threw down his pencil and picked her up immediately, spinning her around. It left them both dizzy and then he wisely walked over to the kitchen to pick up a knife.

(Kageyama took it before Shouyou could actually hurt himself.)

After all their cooking, the three sit around the kitchen table, bits of rice, eggs, and onions on their noses and cheeks as they chew.

Lifting her head up from her plate, Natsu looks an awful look like a chipmunk. But she swallows, opening her mouth like she’s about to say something, blinking at the napkins across the table. She seems to reconsider and turns to Kageyama.

“What’s your first name?”

“What?” Kageyama doesn’t finish chewing before asking. “Why?”

“I want to call you by your first name. I was gonna ask you to pass me a napkin but I realized I don’t know your first name.”

Kageyama hands her a napkin.

“NO!” She screeches. “Put it back.”

He looks at her eyes blown wide and brows pushed together, surprised at the sudden rejection. He reluctantly puts it back. It’s sort of folded now, shoved in awkwardly into the metal holder.

“I want to ask you using your first name, don’t just give it to me.”

“Why the sh—” Kageyama catches himself and swallows. “Why does it matter?”

Natsu slaps her tiny hand on the table. “Just say shit.”

Shouyou coughs through his rice. “Natsu, no! Natsu that’s vulgar — Kageyama did you teach her that?”

“What? No why are you blaming me?” Kageyama booms.

“Well I certainly didn’t do it!” Shouyou’s voice is getting shrill.

“Shut up both of you!” Natsu shrieks. “It was Dad. Dad said shit accidentally in front of me it’s ok you don’t need to hide it.”

Shouyou points his chopsticks at his sister. “Well don’t keep saying it.” He whispers “vulgar” under his breath again.

“Listen, I know shit, and damn, and ass, and fuck ok.” Natsu says plainly, the calmest out of them all, still eating her food without much difficulty. Shouyou covers his ears as if they hurt.

“ _You’re eight_.”

“ _You bet your ass I’m eight._ ”

Kageyama presses his fist to his mouth. Shouyou’s face is bright red and practically glowing. Whether it’s with embarrassment or laughter or anger Kageyama can’t tell.

Still undisturbed Natsu is back on her original train of thought. “Kageyama, what’s your first name?”

He takes in a deep breath before finally answering. “Tobio.”

“Tobio, hand me a napkin.”

Tobio gives her the folded one and she almost refuses again before he gives her a look. An attempt at his usual angry one but heavily diluted by a smile threatening to overtake his face.

“You call me Natsu and you call Shouyou, Shouyou. I just want it to be fair.” Natsu says when she’s done wiping off her face. Shouyou nods his head deeply as he finally turns back to his food.

“I call you that because if I call you Hinata you won’t know which one I’m talking about!” Tobio feels slightly defensive. He can’t eat his eggs this way.

“Well I also wanna use it because we’re friends. Ok _Tobio_?”

He frowns at the little girl smirking impishly at him.

But Tobio supposes it’s not that bad when a friend says it.

 

* * *

**Hinata Natsu Gives Good Advice**

* * *

 

“Don’t try so hard.”

Tobio immediately frowns at her, the exact opposite of what she’s trying to get him to do. Natsu sits in his lap, flipping through her tablet’s camera roll. Taking a picture should be a simple enough task but Tobio has never been good at forced smiles. There’s maybe 15 separate attempts on there.

“When you try that hard you show too many teeth and your eyes scrunch up too much. You look scary.” Natsu says dryly. Tobio clicks his tongue. “You gotta relax.”

She flips further ahead and winds up looking at selfies she and Shouyou took. Then some of just her, and some of just Shouyou. Tobio wonders if those are the only types of pictures on this thing. And he doesn’t know what’s more frustrating — the fact that there are literally hundreds of photos saved to this device, all of which he’s assuming are selfies, or the fact that they’re all _good_.

 _Except for the ones I’m in_. He thinks grumpily. It sits weird in his stomach. He doesn’t really care about that stuff but the more he looks the more disheartening it is.

“But look how big you guys are smiling.” Tobio says when Natsu lands on maybe the 700th photo.

Shouyou and Natsu seem to be sitting on the same couch Tobio is now. Natsu leans over her brother’s shoulder as he holds up the tablet to face them. They have matching smiles and matching bright orange hair and matching shiny brown eyes; they even have a matching filter over their faces, white cat whiskers and ears with a glowing pink halo around them.

But the way they curl their lips a little is unlike any smile Tobio has seen on either of their faces. At the end of a good match, or even just the end of a good set Shouyou will turn to Tobio, mouth open and happy with pure energy. And that’s what it is: _pure_. Unadulterated, unrefined joy and excitement.

These smiles though, these are different.

_They fucking know they’re cute goddamnit._

Tobio flips through a few more photos on his own, trying to get away from the absurd levels of adorable he’s seeing, because if he doesn’t his blood sugar levels are going to spike and he will die. But it’s inescapable because there’s just _more_ with _more_ filters and _more_ knowingly-cute smiles and sometimes Shouyou sticks out his tongue a little or puts up a peace sign and _holy fucking Jesus Christ could he maybe stop_.

Looking at these makes him think briefly of Oikawa. The difference here is these photos probably aren’t leaked on the internet or saved on the phones of dozens of random girls. They’re just here, just for fun. And Shouyou doesn’t go out of his way to share them with anyone, only his sister. And now Tobio, he guesses.

All the same. They’re ridiculous.

Natsu must mistake Tobio’s burning cheeks for frustration at his own inability to smile. And it is a little bit that, so he’s glad to draw his thoughts away from the actual problem at hand.

“Relax your face. Relax your entire face.” She pushes on Tobio’s eyebrows and he blinks and draws his face away at the contact. “Just don’t make any expression.” The words come out as giggles.

Tobio follows her advice after a moment, not looking Natsu in the eye.

“See sometimes you scrunch up your face while you’re smiling and that makes it worse. Try to be as loose as possible.” Tobio can’t believe he’s learning how to _smile_ . He knows how to smile he does it all the time he just can’t _force_ it. “And then when you smile, don’t open your mouth.”

“What? You guys were — “

“Ok but different smiles work for different faces. And right now you need to learn how to relax more so don’t focus on showing your teeth.”

They take a few more pictures, this time with Tobio’s mouth closed. It still looks...unsatisfactory. He doesn’t want to look at it.

But when he tries to delete them Natsu blocks the trashcan icon. “We need to keep them for reference.”

She turns around on his lap to mush his face again. Or at least try — when she sees him pouting Natsu stops reaching for him. Instead she just crooks her head and studies his face.

“Maybe you should try hardly smiling at all.” She says it like it makes sense.

Tobio squints at her. He quirks up the corners of his mouth, hardly pulling them into a smile and more like just pulling them back into his face. Natsu shakes her head.

“Not like that. Like — here wait a minute.” She goes back to view the camera roll as a whole, scrolling deeper into the history. Yep they’re almost entirely selfies. There are some of their family or like, weird bugs sometimes ( _Tobio can only wonder_ ), but after through 432 photos (literally this time) Natsu finds the one she was looking for. “You see how he’s smiling? It’s almost not there.”

Tobio looks down at the screen. His breath hitches in his throat.

This photo isn’t a selfie, probably taken by Natsu with the back facing camera. Shouyou stands in the middle of their backyard, the sky an array of oranges, pinks, and purples, all faded into each other like feathered brush strokes. The warm light shines through Shouyou’s hair. It looks almost red. There’s a volleyball in his hands, and he holds it gingerly.

Natsu’s right — his smile almost isn’t there.

It’s the softest smile Tobio has ever seen on Shouyou’s face.

“I took this last year,” Natsu says. Tobio feels like she’s looking at him but he can’t tell. He’s entranced. “He’s become such good friends with volleyball.”

“Friends?” Tobio says as he finally tears his eyes away from the screen. Her’s were definitely on him.

“Yeah, he knows the ball a lot better now. He’s just...he’s just better at volleyball.” She shrugs. “Do you think you could try smiling like that? Softly?”

They settle back into position. Natsu holds up the tablet and snaps a photo. Tobio’s blush hidden underneath the filter she puts on their faces.

“See? You just needed to relax.”

 

* * *

**Hinata Natsu Isn’t Judgemental**

* * *

 

The faint sound of Shouyou singing floats through the bedroom door, occasionally interrupted by the sound of plates clanging against each other. It’s noisy, but Tobio’s grown accustomed to it over the course of what is now a little over a year. Most of the time, he and Natsu offer a helping hand, but seeing as Natsu is a little sick today, and Shouyou is (for some reason) more in his own head than usual, he’d gladly agreed to handle the dishes on his own.

So they sit in Shouyou’s room, Natsu curled up in a thick blanket between Tobio’s legs. His thin fingers moving deftly through her hair, parsing through the little curls and waves with a brush and making two short but thick fishtail braids down the back of her head.

 _Her hair grows fast_. He thinks, noting how she could hardly manage two small pigtails when they’d first met. But now it threatens to creep down her back.

Tobio finishes up the braid with a pat to Natsu’s shoulder, and she turns around to him with a sleepy smile. She tugs the blanket out from under and around her. Opening it up, she keeps the corners fisted in her hands as she gently wraps her arms around Tobio’s shoulders, sharing the warmth that had collected inside.

It’s cold despite the indoor heating, and Tobio is grateful for the blanket. With her head pressed against his chest he plays with the loose hair of her bangs.

The way she blinks — opening her eyes after a long while, only to shut them again — makes Tobio think she’s falling asleep. Shouyou said she wasn’t that bad, hell even Natsu herself said she wasn’t that bad, but even with the heavy comforter around the both of them, Tobio can tell it’s her forehead that’s warm. He sighs, breath tinged with worry.

But she can’t be too sleepy as her head shifts to up to look at Tobio when he sighs. They look at each other, saying nothing. Most moments alone are quiet. Shouyou’s the loud one.

After a while though, Natsu comfortably resting in Tobio’s arms and smiling that weary smile at him, she lifts up a tiny finger to point at his face.

“You’re wearing makeup.”

That makes his face warmer than any blanket could. Tobio runs his tongue along his teeth and looks away from her. _Aren’t sick people supposed to be less observant?_ He’d been so subtle with it too.

“Not a lot.” He doesn’t wear makeup often, and when he does he puts on as little as possible. The harsh American-style cosmetic looks don’t appeal to him, and wearing too much makeup outside makes him self conscious. Most people don’t welcome it.

Originally he didn’t even want to wear makeup. It wasn’t like he woke up one day as a little boy and planned it out. He started out only buying special lotions and things for his hands, growing particularly attached to a milk “flavored” one his uncle bought one Christmas. It was only sold in a particular chain of beauty stores, and the more times he visited, the more he was distracted by the little tubes of lipstick and cute pink palettes of blush.

Tobio didn’t know what it was, but it appealed to him. The cute packaging maybe. The tinge of pink on the model’s lips was subtly beautiful, and he realized he wanted to have that subtle beauty.

He scowled at the cashier the first time he bought something other than lotion. They hadn’t questioned him.

“But it’s there right?” Natsu puckers her lips. “It’s lipstick.”

Tobio scratches his head. “Yeah. It’s a little bit orange.” He’s been growing fond of orange.

“Well, you look really pretty.”

Despite the sickness, Tobio can see a clarity in Natsu’s eyes as she beams up at him. He rests his head on hers.

 

* * *

**Hinata Natsu Is Good at Keeping Secrets**

* * *

 

She’s nine now. She’s grown so much, but it’s been so gradual, so normal that Kageyama only notices it by the fact that when she drags him into the house, her hand wraps fully around his.

This week is an unprecedented event: Shouyou is not home at all. He won’t be until Friday, leaving Tobio to babysit Natsu. It’s weird for both of them, not because they’re alone, but because Shouyou is actively _away_.

He’s in Tokyo, visiting colleges because being a third year is difficult. Incredibly difficult, one of the most difficult things Tobio has had to handle in a good while. Searching for colleges, trying to maintain his grades, and being vice captain of the volleyball team weigh on his chest like nothing else.

Shouyou’s trying to handle the stress himself by going on tours and collecting ridiculous quantities of flyers both of them have probably already received in the mail. Shouyou had asked Tobio to come with him, he hadn’t even asked if he “wanted” to go, but just said he “should” like it was expected. And it would have been, Tobio _would_ have gone. He wanted to. But Shouyou’s plan was to not only visit colleges, but visit them with Kozume-san.

And Tobio wasn’t sure Kozume-san would be comfortable around him.

“It’s not like he dislikes you,” Shouyou had said after Tobio refused the first time. “You just overwhelm him a little bit.”

So Tobio decided he’d rather stay home, stay in Miyagi for the summer, and watch Natsu. Someone needed to anyway. And who better to miss Shouyou with for a week, than Shouyou’s little sister.

Luckily, being together isn’t all that lonely. Sure, Shouyou is gone and it’s oddly quiet, but it isn’t like he’s not coming back.

They hang around the house like they usually do, playing video games and cooking and sometimes just existing in the same room together. And many many times, they go outside, enjoying the fresh summer air and the sound of cicadas.

On Thursday, Tobio decides to take Natsu to a park. Well, it’s more like she takes him to the park, knowing the way around her town better than the boy from the other side of the mountain. They inhale their lunch and head out almost immediately, skittish and probably anxious for the day to end without realizing it.

Shouyou comes back tomorrow, but for now they have to deal with today.

For most of the week the sky has blessed them with clouds. Enough to save them from the sun bearing straight down on their backs, but not enough to obscure its radiant blue. Sometimes when Tobio thinks about that color, it’s so pure he almost feels like he smells it.

There’re more trees here than where Tobio lives. Their leaves cast shadows like light through water. Short tufts of weeds grow up through the narrow sidewalk, and a comfortable breeze tousels Tobio’s hair. Natsu has on a little pink hat. Tobio insisted she have the additional protection from the semi-present sun, besides the sunscreen Natsu’s parents provided.

She has a smear of it on the back of her neck having neglected to rub in all the way. So Tobio does it for her before letting her run off. She may be getting bigger, but she’s definitely still a child.

Dirt and wood chips crunch under Tobio’s feet as he walks to the swings. It’s a little too short for him, so he throws the swing over the bar once, and then takes a seat, the rubber pressing warm through his shorts.

He kicks up a few times and makes a rhythm. An added breeze as he climbs higher in the air, the ground rushing up to meet him and then quickly falling away. His body halting in the air at the peak before the he flies past the ground again.

Off in the distance he hears children laughing. A couple of parents or siblings sitting on surrounding benches or digging into the sandbox with their kids.

Natsu has taken claim on the slide, patiently waiting her turn in line before flinging herself down the swirling plastic tube. Tobio watches her run back and forth. Orange hair reflecting bright into his eyes in the sunlight.

When she’s done with the slide, Natsu moves quickly, changing from place to place every few minutes, climbing, crawling, and jumping. She can’t jump quite like her brother, but she’s nimble like him.

And like Shouyou, she’s already made friends. Or maybe they already knew each other Tobio isn’t sure. But Natsu has no trouble talking to a couple of the kids around her, all of them laughing and playing loudly. After a little while she joins in on a game of tag.

The Hinatas fit right in with everybody. Tobio wonders what it’s like.

His swing has slowed down, no longer pushing the boundaries of the old metal chain. He takes a deep inhale, mindlessly nibbling on the inside of his cheek out of habit. Tobio watches Natsu, now searching for bugs (oh the number of things a child can accomplish in an hour), but his mind drifts off. With the rhythm of his gentle swinging it almost feels meditative.

The week has felt unexpectedly long without Shouyou. He’s one of Tobio’s best friends, quite possibly _the_ best friend Tobio has. But even though they’re so close, and Tobio knows nothing will have changed between the two of them, there are thoughts Tobio can’t get out of his mind.

Shouyou has friends. Shouyou has Kozume. Shouyou has Kozume, and Aone, and Inuoka, and Bokuto, and those two middle school friends he still talks to regularly. And if in the event Shouyou decides he wants to go to a different school than Tobio — who will Tobio have?

He shakes his head to clear off the bad thoughts. Tobio has Yachi, and Tadashi, and Tsukishima even. And Tobio has Natsu. Though if he and Shouyou stop talking it’ll be kind of hard to get to her.

He knows Shouyou won’t stop talking to him. His rational mind _knows_ that, but memories of past experience sit low in his belly.

Natsu rushing over breaks him fully out of his trance.

She shoves her hands, cupped around something, directly into his face.

“Look!”

She releases a cicada upon him.

“Shit —” The word escapes somewhere between a breath and a squawk as the cicada, a too-heavy looking bug manages to smoothly glide, just past his head — just _over_ it as he leans back and —

Thumps solidly on the ground.

It doesn’t knock the wind out of him but it gets a lot of wood chips in his hair. His chin drawn back into his neck, eyes wide in surprise at both the bug and the fall. Tobio’s legs are still stuck on the swing.

“Oh my god! Tobio are you ok?” Natsu rushes over to him hands fluttering over her mouth. At first Tobio thinks it’s because she’s scared, but then he looks at her eyes as she towers over him. _She’s laughing at him_. It squeaks out of her mouth as she tries to contain it, but it’s fruitless and now she’s just full blown howling at him, slowly kneeling next to him. “Your face! Your face Tobio, your face!”

He can’t help but start laughing himself.

 

“You have a nice laugh,” Natsu says between the popsicle in her mouth. After the cicada incident the two decided it was time to head off, stopping by a konbini a block away to get popsicles. “You should laugh more.”

Tobio shrugs. “I don’t laugh like that a lot.” He’d almost had to wipe tears from his eyes. He still doesn’t know what came over him, but his body feels lighter, relieved almost.

“Aw that’s too bad. I love laughing, laughing’s my favorite thing to do.”

“Yeah, you and Shouyou do that a lot.” Tobio takes a tiny bite off his milk-pop. The two take a few more steps toward the house before Tobio says anythings else. “You have a lot of friends.”

Natsu nods. “I just like people.”

 _I do too_. Tobio thinks. He bites off too big of a piece and winds up with a brain freeze. He scrunches his nose to ward it off.

“Do you have a lot of friends Tobio?”

There’s a pause.

Their shoes scuff against pavement. “Now I do.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have a lot of friends when I was your age.”

“Oh no,” Natsu creases her brow. “Why not?”

“Hm…” Tobio leaves his pop in his mouth for a moment. He licks the ice cream off his lips and inhales kind of strongly. There are words on the tip of his tongue but he doesn’t know if he should say them. He doesn’t like to talk about his personal life too much.

But Natsu’s waiting. And with all her earnestness, and the trust they’ve built between them Tobio feels like he can actually say the words.

“I learned to talk kind of late. I knew kind of...I knew words and things but it just, took me a long time to start doing it. And then once I started talking more, I still wasn’t the best at understanding people. Even now I’m not. And I didn’t want to play with toys and things the same way the kids around me did. Or...something. To everyone I guess I was just slightly ‘off’ and most of them just thought I was kind of weird. No one really bullied me for it, and I did have friends in elementary school but it was still kind of isolating. And then in middle school I met someone I got pretty close with.”

Natsu tilts her head like she wants him to keep going. It feels weird to say all this stuff out loud, he’s has had to explain himself in a long time. Never really _had_ anyone to explain it to either, but here he is talking. Because Hinata Natsu is a good listener.

“She was kind of like me — actually she was a lot like me and she was really happy to find someone else with autism. She’s actually the only reason I figured out what that was.”

“You’re autistic?”

“Yeah.”

The little girl eats the last of her popsicle thoughtfully. “What happened to the girl?”

“Nothing happened to her. But I started on the volleyball team that year, and after…” Tobio trails off. He doesn’t know if Natsu even wants to hear about this, he doesn’t even usually want to talk about it but she slowly takes his hand in hers, and it’s disarming. “After Oikawa rejected me, told me he ‘couldn’t teach me’ and tried to hit me, something just, clicked in my head.”

He’d wondered for a very long time _why_ Oikawa said that. Tobio knew he was good, knew he could handle the ball well because it was and still _is_ his _thing_ . The one thing he can trust himself to be good at, and for some reason Oikawa decided he wasn’t. And Tobio just couldn’t figure out _why_ . What did he do wrong? What could he do to make himself better to prove himself. He just wanted to learn. “I started practicing alone more often, outside of club, in my free time. That’s really when volleyball started to be all I would think about.” _All_ he would think about.

“And I guess she and I just grew apart.” He says after a moment. “I was a bad friend.”

Natsu squeezes his hand. “Well, you learned right?” She asks. “And you’ve got Shouyou and I now.”

So wrapped up in talking before, Tobio realizes they’ve reached the house. He takes out the spare key the Hinata parents loaned him, and opens the door for Natsu. Immediately she flops down in the walkway to untie her shoes. They’re scuffed and dirty. Fitting for a playful nine year-old.

As Tobio follows suit, Natsu rocks back and forth on her feet, waiting. “You must be really into volleyball — at least as much as Shouyou. You know when Shouyou first talked about you he said you were mean. Said you called him ‘lousy’.” She says, because Hinata Natsu is straightforward.

Tobio frowns. “I said that because he was. I could see how athletic, and fast, and flexible he was. He has a natural ability I didn’t have. But he didn’t use any of it. He was lousy.” Still is a little lousy if Tobio thinks about it. Shouyou’s improved so much, and Tobio’s been able to watch him the whole time. But there’s still a long way he has to go. That the both of them have to go.

“You should just say that.” And then Natsu checks the clock on their living room wall. “It’s not dinner time yet for a while. Do you want to watch a movie?”

Stepping into the living room after her, Tobio nods his head. She starts shifting through her family’s DVD collection.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

And then, because Hinata Natsu gives good advice, she says “You should have just told Shouyou that — that stuff about how athletic he is. I think sometimes what you say gets messed up, because you think a lot of stuff but you don’t say all of it.”

For a second Tobio just stands awkwardly at the edge of the living room. He only walks over to the couch when Natsu waves him on, pulling a DVD off the shelf. It’s case is a blue so dark it’s almost black.

After popping it into the player, Natsu sits in Tobio’s lap, no need for a blanket this time. She leans back against him, and he runs his fingers through her hair.

There’s still daylight streaming through the windows, but the screen casts a soft blue on their faces. Silence as the Studio Ghibli logo prefaces the movie. And then it transitions to the quiet groaning of a rickety monster of a castle, Howl’s moving castle, wobbling across a hillside.

He’s seen this several times before. It’s one of his favorites. So he lets himself sink once again, into the movie as it takes him in until he’s up to his ears, a welcome wave of feelings and sights and sounds.

And it’s still welcome, but this time it feels different. Maybe he hasn’t seen it in a couple of years, maybe it’s just been a while. Maybe it’s Natsu, still so new to his life, and so suddenly changing it.

But when he watches Sophie, he sees himself. Not that he’s not an old woman or he’s not fighting evil magical forces; no he’s just a kid who plays volleyball. But Tobio’s a person with some deep-seeded self-loathing he’s long tried to ignore and is finally, maybe bringing things to a head. Not fixing them, but addressing them.

Maybe he does need to just say what he’s thinking. Maybe he just needs to relax.

“I miss Shouyou.” He says. Barely audible, but enough for Natsu to hear. The movie is in its homestretch.

“I do too.” Says Natsu.

And then, because he feels confident in voicing his thoughts for a second, he says them out loud.

“I like him. I _like_ him.” He chokes.

Tobio can’t help it, his brow is furrowing like it won’t ever relax, and he’s biting his tongue so hard he might taste blood. No. No, why did he say that out loud. Why did he do this to himself he shouldn’t have spoke. Natsu was wrong on this one, no _he_ was wrong. This was not something you say out of thin air, that you just let people hear, even if you’re thinking it, even if it might change things. You don’t say it _because_ it might change things.

He can feel his shoulders shaking a little. The hand in Natsu’s hair is shaking a lot.

She pats his leg and leans further into him.

“It’s ok. I love him too.”

Because Hinata Natsu isn’t judgemental.

 

It didn’t take Tobio long after that to realize, that his best friend is not, in fact, Hinata Shouyou. But his little sister.

Tobio’s best friend, is a nine year-old.


	2. Staying Friends With Hinata Natsu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio tries to find Natsu amongst the crowd. As soon as they make eye contact, her face lights up, wriggling out from between her overzealous parents. Her winter coat is just slightly too big for her, and she clutches something in her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god it has been so long I am so so sorry - but! I am still here. I have not given up on this fic, and I never will.
> 
> I'm overthinking what I should write in the notes here so I'll just hurry up and say:
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I love you so much, really and truly thank you <3 I hope you enjoy!

Even though everything in the past few weeks has been building up to this moment, Tobio wades through his graduation ceremony in a haze. When he sits back down in the crowd, he cradles his diploma like a dying bird, looking at no one in particular, clapping falling on deaf ears. 

All he can think about is that in an hour the gymnasium will be empty. 

 

That stagnant hour passes, and students, parents, and faculty empty out of the gym, the crunch of fresh snow, mumbling under their feet. Time starts to move forward again. Sunlight warms Tobio’s face, and he’s reminded that Karasuno is a real place. He lets out a breath watching it turn to fog in the March air.

In the commotion someone calls Tobio’s name, and he finds them a few meters away. 

Tadashi waves, big and lazy. There are bags under his eyes but a smile on his face, calling out a soft “Hey!” as Tobio walks up to them. Kei nods, ignoring Shouyou and Hitoka’s squabbling. 

Before Tobio can say anything, Kei taps his diploma case against Tobio’s. “Congratulations, you’re an adult now.” 

An adult. Tobio frowns. Having turned 18 not three months ago, Tobio feels he’s hardly qualified. And while Shouyou is the oldest of them all, he doesn’t make a much better candidate. Tobio kicks the ground a bit. Under the wet snow the soil is soft and smells like earth. 

As far as he’s concerned, as long as he stands on Karasuno grounds, he’s not an adult.

Despite having suggested it, Kei looks like he’s in agreement. “At least they’re excited about it.” He says, looking pointedly at their group’s shortest. 

“I am not excited! Does this look like excitement?” Hitoka squeaks almost aggressively, before immediately turning apologetic. “Oh no does it? Does it actually look like excitement? I’m so sorry. I swear I’m actually terrified.”

“I’m telling you it’ll be fine Yacchan!” Shouyou shakes her hands as he speaks. “You’re going to be great! You’re smart! And very organized — you have art school in the bag! I mean, you’ve designed so many of our posters and you always do well in art class — ”

“But it’s not the same Shouyou. What if I’m actually bad at art? What if I’ve peaked in high school? What if — oh god I’m going to have to manage my own taxes.”

“But… you’ve designed so many of our posters — ”

“Doing taxes as a freelancer is so complicated, Shouyou!”

“It’ll be ok Yacchan,” Tadashi says, paling a little bit at the word ‘taxes’. “We’re — we’re all in this together.”

“Also, Google exists. You’ll figure it out,” Kei adds on helpfully.

While the other three calm Hitoka down, Tobio watches with an open ear. There isn’t much he can offer in situations like these. A pat on the back, or at most, the phrase “it’s ok” said with absolute confidence but not much comfort. Kei can offer the same confidence, but worded better, and Tadashi can offer the sympathy. And Shouyou sheds a light of hope.

Tobio’s part in this situation, just happens to be standing aside.

He quirks his mouth somewhere between a smile and a frown. Three years ago, he never would have considered the concept. Everything had to be taken in his own hands, it was his job, his responsibility, because no one else could pick up the slack. 

Or at least he just couldn’t trust anyone to. And they didn’t trust him. 

Tobio blinks away his memories of Kitagawa Daichi, and sees Karasuno in front of him. He sees four people he trusts with his team work, and his friendship. Three years ago, that was entirely unthinkable, and it washes over him in a cold wave. 

“I’m gonna miss you guys.” 

The other’s stop short, taking a long pause to look at Tobio with different shades of shock.

“How dare you. You can’t just say that,” Kei says, almost disgusted.

“What?” Tobio asks. “I’m going to miss you.” 

“Tobio… ” Tadashi whimpers, eyes welling up  

Hitoka claps a hand over her mouth, taking in a painful shuddering breath, tears spilling over her cheeks. She closes her eyes.

“I’m sorry—” Tobio begins to say, one hand reaching out. But Hitoka shakes her head taking a few slow breaths and planting her feet.

“I’m going to miss you too. So much. I’m going to miss you, and you, and you.” She punctuates each ‘you’ by taking their hands in her own, though she can only hold a couple of fingers from each of them. She flashes them a smile that’s strong and confident despite the tears clearly rolling down her cheeks. “I’m especially going to miss being your manager. Thank you, really. You… ”

“You don’t have to say it,” Kei interjects. “We get it.”

But Hitoka shakes her head at him. Kei looks like he wants to fight back, but Tadashi is wrapping an arm around Hitoka for support, crying as much as she is, and Shouyou squeezes her hand, surprisingly dry faced and quiet. 

“I love you.” She whimpers. And lets out the sob she was desperately holding back.

With a bent head, Kei reaches around everyone’s shoulders as best he can, pulling them together into a hug. He tries not to look at anyone else, but Tobio can still see how shiny Kei’s eyes are. 

“You didn’t have to say it.”

  
  


Their huddle lasts for all of a minute before their families come and swarm them. After getting much needed hugs from parents, older brothers, and little sisters, the graduates ready themselves for a group picture.

Akiteru, conveniently, brought a selfie stick. Which made everything go faster, and left Kei feeling slightly harassed.

Once all the pictures are done with the group dissolves into conversation. Tobio, blocks it out as he tries to find Natsu amongst the crowd. As soon as they make eye contact, her face lights up, wriggling out from between her overzealous parents. Her winter coat is just slightly too big for her, and she clutches something in her hands.

“Tobio!” She says, and in her rush trips over her own foot. 

“You dumb — you idiot!” Tobio sputters, catching her by the arm before her face hits the ground, but not before snow gets on her knees. “Be careful!”

Natsu dusts off the knees of her leggings, breathing a little heavy. She shoves whatever she’s clutching into Tobio’s face, absolutely delighted. “Tobio, I got a phone!”

Tobio notes how absolutely monstrous it looks in her hands as she gives to him. “Since Shou-chan’s going off to college, our parents bought me this.”

Tobio remembers being nine. And he distinctly remembers not having a cellphone. The phrase ‘when I was your age’ pops into his head and he clicks his tongue at himself. “Why… do you need this?” He asks. “And why did your parents buy you this for Shouyou’s graduation?”

Natsu puts her hands on her hips. “Why does anyone have a cellphone?”

“Because… of mobage?”

“No!” She says, incensed. “So I can talk to people! So I can call them and text them and stuff.”

Tobio purses his lips.  _ Mm… Texting _ . “Do your friends even have phones?”

“Some of them do! And I mean,  _ you _ do don’t you?”

“Yes?”

She gestures at the phone.

“Oh.”  _ He’s _ the friend she wants to text and call. Or at least one of them.

Somehow, he’d guessed they’d keep in touch through Shouyou. They’d ask about each other, maybe Tobio could pass a message to him every now and then, and when they visit home Tobio can drop by their house and the two of them can catch up again. But presented with this new option, he realizes: all of that would suck.

He’s bad at texting. He guesses he’ll just have to learn.

  
  


Eventually the families leave their kids to finish up the day. Tobio waves at Natsu as she leaves.

The graduates head back to the school building to collect their things: papers, books, shoes left in lockers — goodbyes. 

Tobio winds up saying goodbye to more underclassmen than he expected. He doesn’t know most of their names, and when he spots Tadashi across the hallway, Tobio surrounded by a particularly large and confusing group of underclassmen, Tadashi just makes some comment about “ikemen” that Tobio doesn’t understand. Confused, Tobio just bows to them all before heading back to his homeroom. 

It’s empty and smells like hardwood in the afternoon sunlight.  

Despite both Shouyou and Hitoka agreeing to meet up here, Tobio only finds Hitoka inside. She sits at her used-to-be desk, playing with the zipper on her bag. When she spots him, she smiles at him with purposefully closed lips, and Tobio can’t help but ask.

“Where’s Shouyou?” His voice fills the whole room.

“Uh… ” Hitoka says. She looks at the ground. “I’m not sure. He came in here a little while ago. But… .”

“But?”

“He didn’t tell me where he was going and he wasn’t really smiling?” Guilt and frustration lines her brow. “I don’t know he seemed like he didn’t want to be bothered. And I didn’t want to be a bother.” 

Tobio nods. “I’ll look for him.”

  
  


Tobio finds Shouyou sitting at the base of the stairs by the courtyard vending machine. 

The door frame drawss a cold hard line of shadow right in front of Shouyou’s feet. He sits in it, quieter than Tobio has ever seen him.

Tobio takes a step, and it clacks loudly against the tiles. Shouyou stiffens. Tobio can’t see his face yet, but he can hear him sniffling.

“Are you ok?” Tobio asks. He sits down a couple steps higher than Shouyou. 

It takes him a second to say anything, and when he does, his voice is thick and betraying. “Yeah I’m fine.”.

“No you’re not, dumbass.”

Shouyou’s voice pushes past gruff and into accusatory. “Why would you ask me if you know I’m not?”

Tobio bites his lips shut. He waits a moment before responding with baited breath.

“Sorry.”

Shouyou sighs. “No, I’m sorry. I just… ” He sniffs again and wipes at his eyes.

Tentatively, Tobio scoots down a few steps. 

Comfort has never been his strong suit, and half the time people need it, Tobio doesn’t even know. After big losses it was always obvious. Everyone including him crying over their food, eating like it would bring them back the win. But small moments where Shouyou was, for whatever reason, too quiet, Tobio could only sense that maybe something was wrong. In the end he always left it to someone more adequate, like Tanaka or Sugawara. 

This time there is no one else, and Tobio wonders if he’s enough.

“What’s… wrong?” He asks. His eyes flicker tentatively to Shouyou, unsure if he’s allowed to look.

Taking in a deep breath, Shouyou leans back against the stairs. Tobio can see his face now — big red splotches for cheeks. “It’s — I don’t know — it’s everything.”

“Everything?” Tobio says, a little scared. He’s not sure he can fix everything.

Shouyou breathes out a laugh. “Not everything, really.”  _ Oh thank god _ . “I just… What am I gonna do Tobio?”

“What are you gonna do?”

“When I was in middle school I wanted to become Karasuno’s ace. I wanted to become the little giant, and I focused on that the whole time I was in high school. That’s what I’ve been striving for, for the past six years of my life. And —” He motions past the doors. “It happened. What am I going to do now?”

“Uh,” Tobio squints. “You’re going to play more volleyball?”

“Well yeah, but it won’t be the same! It’s won’t be with Karasuno. At Karasuno.”

“But isn’t that just how life works? You age and you move on? That’s what you did before, volleyball is volleyball no matter who you play it with.” 

Shouyou looks back at him incredulously. The red in his face burns a little brighter than before, making a face like he’s been punched in the gut.

“Did it…  not matter to you?” He says like the words making no sense in his mouth.

“No! I mean, yes. It mattered.” Tobio thinks of their seniors their first two years. He thinks of Kei, Yachi, and Tadashi. He thinks of Shouyou. “It mattered — matters. But do you know what made volleyball so important to you?” He presses his brow together so hard it aches. “You.” 

Shouyou’s face starts to relax, so Tobio keeps talking. “You’re the one that decided you wanted to become the ace. You’re the one that fought to be called the little giant. Karasuno matters a lot. But it’s just one memory out of many that you will make wonderful, because of who you are.”

At the end Tobio’s voice starts to break,  worried that it wasn’t enough. Worried that Shouyou won’t take to it, because he almost isn’t taking to it. 

_ Will volleyball ever feel the same _ ? He blinks, once, and a tear rolls down his cheek. 

“Oh no,” Shouyou squeaks. “You can’t cry. You’re not allowed to cry.”

Tobio sniffs. “Well I’m doing it, and you can’t stop me.”

“No, stop.” Shouyou laughs.

“You started it.” 

“We can’t both be crying,” Shouyou says. But he isn’t crying anymore, giggling instead as he smooshes Tobio’s cheeks together. “You came here to make me feel better.”

Tobio tries to pout but he can’t very well, and it turns into a stubborn smile between Shouyou’s hands. Blinking this time brings no tears. Tobio looks down into Shouyou’s eyes, and Tobio realizes the sun has shifted lower, because Shouyou’s hair is lighting up like a signal flare. His mouth forms a small but warm smile. Tobio’s heart skips a beat, and he hopes Shouyou can’t feel his cheeks warm up in his hands.

“Thank you. I’m glad we’re going to the same college, Tobio. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

_ How dare you. You can’t just say that. _

Tobio breathes out a laugh.

  
  


Together, the two boys do a quick sweep around the school to collect Shouyou’s things. 

There are a lot of other graduates meandering through the hallways now, ready to leave. Their little group wades through it, and from where Tobio stands, Shouyou looks like a ball lost in a fast moving river.

They’re greeted with uproarious laughter just beyond the front doors. And Shouyou, the first one to make it through, tugs the rest of them into the crow. Recognizing what’s happening, he spins around glowing like he hasn’t cried once that day. 

“It’s a confession!” 

A gaggle of students circle around, clapping and whooping as a boy tugs off his second button and hands it off, red faced, to a girl with her hands clasped tightly over her mouth. The way they look at each other feels like it should be private. Tobio looks away. 

Hitoka squeaks and follows Shouyou’s pointing finger, while Tadashi lets out a sound of recognition. “I know her. Actually I know him too,” He laughs. “Ah, he’s been head over heels for her since first year.”

“It’s been a long time coming,” Kei says. 

He isn’t looking at the couple though, he’s looking at Tobio. 

Tobio suddenly becomes aware of his hands, fiddling loosely with the front of his shirt —  with the second button of his gakuran.

He imagines taking it off. How easily it would snap, and how simple it would be, to right here, right now, put it in Shouyou’s hand. He imagines Shouyou’s face turning a furious red as he comes to an understanding. There’d be no need for words. Not that Tobio could muster them anyway.

But then Tobio imagines, instead of a smile forming on Shouyou’s face, a frown. Nothing big. Just a squint in his eyes, a furrow in his brow — a look completely unbecoming of him.

And then apologetically and disgusted, he hands back the button with a shake of his head. 

Tobio imagines living with Shouyou for the first year of college after that.

The real Shouyou, the one living and breathing in front of him smiles like he’s supposed to be smiling. He looks at Tobio and the hand on his second button. 

“Are you gonna confess to someone, Yamayama?” There’s something in his eyes that Tobio can’t place, something akin to when he held Tobio’s face in his hands and told him he wouldn’t know what to do without him. Tobio doesn’t want to ruin it. 

“No.”

  
  


\------

  
  


Tobio stares at his cell phone, daring the clock to change. He taps his pen against blank notebook paper, fighting against the urge to fall asleep. 

A single text from Shouyou winks at him.

4:37 PM [Shouyou]: Dont forget 2 meet me outside th dining hall!!! 

Tobio’s eyelids droop.

But soon the last minute of the hour is up, and whether the teacher says to or not, there's a chorus of shutting laptops and feet down the lecture hall steps. His professor puts up a conceding hand. With the words "good luck" to his back, Tobio follows his peers out the doorway.

A few steps down the hallway and the mental fatigue starts to clear up, tucking thoughts of Japanese composition far far away like he did in high school. Redundant papers, complex strings of forgettable numbers, sitting down for several odd hours a day. It's all reminiscent of high school, only now there's early morning practice, coffee that's mostly milk, and the promise of an apartment to share with Shouyou. The volleyball scholarships are a plus, but he'd pay for it anyway. 

Tobio rounds the corner to a set of elevators, taking one down to the cafeteria level, weaving through the dinner time rush.

Tobio scours for any sign of orange hair and ridiculous amounts of energy. Coming up empty, Tobio finds a secluded spot, leans against the wall, and pulls out his phone.

 

5:03 [Tobio]: I'm here.

5:04 [Shouyou]: o!!

5:04 [Shouyou]: sorry! give me a sec!

5:05 [Shouyou]: some girls are talking to me!!!

 

Tobio raises an eyebrow and slumps a little. It's not like they're meeting up to go to Shouyou's appointment or anything. 

Impatient, Tobio stares at the opposing wall, searching it for some sort of entertainment that his phone cannot offer, and winds up reading of all things. Dozens of papers and cards are pinned to the bulletin board. In-college job offers, clubs, and events are advertised in all sorts of Kanji Tobio doesn't want to spend time on.

Something does catch his eye thoug. A small, neat paper smack in the middle of everything else.

"LGBT circle" it reads, in a friendly font. Tobio mouths the unfamiliar English letters until they make sense and he remembers what they mean. A guilty feeling creeps up the tips of his fingers, like it did when he was first introduced to the concept as a child. There was no reason for it back then, and there's no reason for it now, but he still has to ball his hands into fists to fight it away. Tobio reads the rest of the sign.

"Sundays, 1-2 pm, room 437a. We have snacks!" 

He doesn't really have a reason to, but maybe he'll remember it.

All of a sudden his phone starts to vibrate without pause, and he pulls it out just in time for Shouyou to run right into him.

"I'm here! I'm here I'm here I'm here!" he says, breathing heavy. "I texted you, I'm here!"

Tobio looks down at his phone and sure enough his notifications line up. "I'm coming", "Almost there", "I see you!", "I'm here!", are all delivered within seconds of each other, too quickly for them to be of any use.

"Don't text while you run dumbass," Tobio scolds, sticking out his tongue.

Shouyou sticks out his, but takes Tobio's hand and squeezes it. Tobio wants to squeeze back. "Well I'm here now. Do you want to just go or do you want to get something to eat?" 

"Why don't we pick up something on the way?"

 

They pick up some onigiri and drinks from the Seven Eleven on the corner, which doesn't last very long, but tides them over while they walk. There's still a few hours before the sun sets, and springtime is treating Tokyo well. So while the shop they need to get to is a while away, and they could call a cab, they take advantage of the much needed downtime. 

Shouyou makes sure to point out every interesting thing he sees. Half of it's clothes, and more often than not it's someone's piercings. Tobio has no idea how he even spots them, with so many ears tucked behind hair and faces covered in masks. He's always taken note of it in movies and magazines. When Nishinoya and Tanaka had gotten their piercings, Shouyou wouldn't stop fawning over them. And now, presented with the freedom of college dress codes, there's nothing stopping him from gathering jewelry. Once a crow, always a crow.

He's never been boring, but these first couple of months certainly have been particularly interesting. Looking at him now, sporting black joggers, maroon accented high-tops, and the most unabashedly orange sleeveless hoodie Tobio has ever seen, Shouyou's starting to look more like Shouyou that he did in high school. 

Every time he buys something new he gets one step closer to realizing himself. The confidence carries itself strong and controlled in his walk, and Tobio is more than a few steps behind. 

After dozens of cute store fronts and restaurants, they reach one that is distinctly not-cute. The sign greets them with an ornate graphic of a skull and crossbones, and the window display is full of graphic tees and sale signs with rough blocky letters of a similar aesthetic.

It's a little frightening. 

"This is it!" Shouyou says. He marches forward and Tobio has the compulsion to cling to the back of shirt.

The two of them enter the shop, immediately greeted by the smell of leather and incense. 

And of course, a sales-person. 

She turns at the sound of the bell, streaks of firetruck red in her hair and sharp black eyeliner, spikes, chains, fishnets, and leather to match the smell.

"Welcome! Please come in." She says, like a normal person.

She cocks her head and smiles, without any sign of malice or delinquency that he’d imagined accompanying this combination of metal and fabric. Her coworkers turn and give a variety of polite and warm smiles. Tobio gives Shouyou some space.

The shop is much larger than it looks on the outside. A set of stairs pitch down into an open floor stocked with t-shirts, wallets, shoes, etc., most of it black or shiny and a corner dedicated to incense. Even further back there are more stairs, one set going up and another going down. A sign on the lower level says “18 plus” , and spotting it, Tobio turns back around to Shouyou. 

He catches the tail end of Shouyou’s peppy conversation with the salesperson. She points him in the direction of the jewelry section while he waits for his appointment. 

All non-ear jewelry is kept in pristine glass cases, hundreds of little pieces of metal lined up like chocolates in a candy shop. Shouyou distracts himself with them for a few minutes before turning his attention to the rotating towers. The pure-metal and diamond ones are kept locked away, but the others are out and available. All of them interest Shouyou, whether they be metal casts of skulls or screws or bugs (Natsu might like the bugs).

But the real eye-catchers are the gemstones. Tobio figures they can’t be real, since they aren’t behind glass, but as Shouyou points out, they’re beautiful.

"Look at this one." He says. Turning it to Shouyou, he hears a faint gasp.

Shouyou wiggles his fingers, but keeps his hand to himself. "It's a constellation!" 

"Yea."  Tobio takes it down for him, a spindly strip of gold connects seven tiny white crystals. Flipping it over he reads, "Ursa minor." 

Handing it off to Shouyou, Tobio looks at the other ones. The next one is twice as big. Gesturing, he beckons Shouyou to turn his head. 

Tobio brushes back some of Shouyou's hair away from his ear, his eyelashes fluttering a little bit, still looking Tobio in the eye. Tobio holds the earring up against Shouyou's ear. Sure enough, it follows along the entire curve, and Tobio can't help but think the white does a good job to balance out all the warm colors near Shouyou's face.

"You'd look beautiful in it." He says.   

Tobio reads the look in Shouyou’s eyes as worry, so he takes his hand away. 

"What's it, um… What's it called." Shouyou blinks. His eyelashes look so long.

The redheaded salesperson answers for Tobio. "Draco." She leans against the counter top, not-quite-a-smirk across her face. "Those ones are real pretty, aren't they? But you've got to get your ears pierced first." She gestures to the other side of the room where a heavy set woman waves at them. "Hiromi-san's ready for you now!”

Fumbling, Shouyou puts the earrings back on the rack all out of order, dragging Tobio behind him before he can fix it.

Hiromi-san is dressed like an octopus. Entirely. Slime green tentacles are printed on her black crop top, and cartoonishly curl through her gages. Her hair hangs in inky tendrils, a kraken tattoo strangs her arm, and even her prosthetic leg is painted to match. 

When Tobio was a child, he saw videos of octopuses. They could kill sharks within a matter of minutes.

Hiromi pats the piercing chair next to her.

Trying to contain his smile, Shouyou bounces onto the chair, and wiggles his feet as they don’t touch the ground. There aren't any other seats so Tobio stands. Against the wall. Pouting. 

Hiromi-san laughs at Shouyou’s excitement. "You're the one getting the piercings?" She says. 

He nods furiously and grabs onto his earlobes. "Yep! Just in my ears right here." 

"And you?" She nod to Tobio, tentacle earrings bobbing. "No piercings?"

"No."

Hiromi reaches behind the chair and pulls a mobile table to her side. A couple of needles roll around in their sterile plastic packaging. Putting on a pair of vinyl gloves, she turns to Tobio. "Are you scared?" 

"No." Tobio says, firm. "I'm not scared, I just don't want them."

"Well. It'll be over in just a second." She turns her attention to Shouyou, pushing the table further out of sight. Hiromi pats him on the shoulder. "You're going to look real cute when I'm done with you."

Tobio watches as Shouyou and Hiromi joke around a bit while she cleans his ears, smiling motherly. Shouyou gushes about piercings and realizing his adolescent dreams of becoming a "cool guy"; someone you take one look at and immediately respect, a guy who looks like he can handle anything. 

Tobio raises an eyebrow, confused as to why Shouyou needs piercings to be who he already is.

Finally Hiromi picks up a needle. Shouyou, despite all of his hype and confidence, stops wiggling his feet at the sight of it, and instead starts wiggling his hands. He looks up at Tobio. 

Tobio reaches out his hand, and Shouyou takes it.

He squeezes it when the needle goes through, but relaxes with a laugh of "Oh that hardly hurt at all." The second one is less forgiving, and a tear rolls down his cheek noiselessly. 

Tobio squeezes their hands this time.

But it's over with the tear as the biggest casualty, and Shouyou shines at the hand mirror Hiromi holds up, taking it for himself. The rose gold studs are lovely.

"You look cute. Very cute." Hiromi says. Picking up the needles to throw them away, she looks again to Tobio. "Are you sure you don't want piercings? Don't you think he'd look good with them, Shou-chan. With your black hair and that look on your face — you'd probably look pretty cool all pierced up with a leather jacket and everything." 

The look on his face? Tobio tries not to frown.

"Oh." Shouyou holds out the sound. "Yeah, he would."

Defensively, Tobio lets go of Shouyou's hand. "I don't think that's my style." Wearing a leather jacket implies the rest of the accessories — the patches, the spikes, the heavy combat boots. Maybe he wouldn't mind the boots so much, but everything together would require so much upkeep and attention, a complex outfit every day for what? The exchange of looking cool? There are so many other ways to do that.

"Well, you can wear earrings with almost anything." Hiromi still says. 

"Maybe another time."

Shouyou smiles at both of them, his mouth like a little "u", and hops out of the chair. 

"Thanks for you all your work Hiromi-san!" With a wave and a bow, he leads Tobio back toward the other side of the room. "She was so nice!"

"Mm."

"Well!" Shouyou quirks his head. Somehow getting the deed over with did not get rid of his excitement. "I want to check out the rest of the shop. Look at it! There's so much."

Tobio spots the 18-plus sign again. "Only some of it." 

Surprisingly, the further they go in the more curious Tobio gets. Most of the clothes he finds absolutely ridiculous — long heavy jackets cut up into pieces and covered in faux black fur, and baggy pants with upwards of five zippers. But there are a few things he finds frustratingly appealing. And there are just so many things lying around. Belt decals and wallets; little statuettes that serve no purpose but to stand on a shelf and look cool.

While Shouyou inspects the strange incense labels, Tobio wanders into an area of the store dedicated to more jewelry. No earrings here, but plenty of rings. And hanging beneath a series of necklaces and collar pins, are chokers.

Among a series of frilly black lace chokers, or ones with thin chains making low swooping patterns, Tobio finds one made of ribbon. Just one clean band of ribbon, coming together at the center into a metal ring. A flat silver moon dangles off of it. Tentatively, he slides it off of the rack turning it around in his hands. 

The moon feels heavy. It's smooth under his thumb and he traces it's crescent repeatedly like a worry stone. One hand goes to his neck, ghosting along his skin, pressing a finger right at the crook of his collarbone where he's sure the moon would reach. 

It'd look beautiful on a woman. 

"Oh that's pretty."

Shouyou seemingly materializes behind him and Tobio jumps. His eyes fall to the oblong paper bag in Shouyou's hands that smells heavily of… something.

"It's dragon’s blood!" Shouyou says. He chuckles at Tobio's expression. "I don’t really know what that means, but I was curious. I hope you don’t mind, it might make the apartment smell weird."

Tobio shrugs. He looks back down at the choker in his hands, pressing the cardboard backing between his fingers. 

He starts to hang it back up when Shouyou says, "Awe." He's frowning a little bit.

"What?" Tobio asks.

"I don't know, you looked like you like that one."

_ I do. _ Tobio nibbles on the inside of his cheek. "You don't think it's too… " His face is turned away but he can see Shouyou leaning in out of his periphery. "Girly?"

Shouyou squints his eyes. "Tobio, you wear lipstick and eyeliner."

Tobio gasps and claps a hand over his mouth, Tobio tenses. It's not like he tries to hide it, especially since college started he’s made his eyeliner a little more obvious, and stores his makeup is in their shared bathroom. But hearing it said aloud is embarrassing.

"Tobio," Shouyou laughs. "Why are you covering your face up, I already know it's there." He frowns again, but this time a little more concerned. "It's ok."

"… "

"If you like it, you like it. Besides, it suits you."

Tobio looks back up to see Shouyou biting his lip a little. Shouyou takes the choker in his own hands, holding it up against Tobio's neck. 

"You'd look pretty in it."

  
  


Shouyou pays quite a sum at the register. Nothing a grown adult with a paying job couldn't handle, but as a 1st year college student it gets a nervous chuckle out of him. He takes the bag though, and taps his ears, excited for 6 weeks to pass and to swap out his gold studs for the constellation earrings. 

When Tobio makes his purchase, Hiromi-san walks past the counter glancing over her coworker's shoulder.

"Is that your style?" She asks Tobio.

"Ah… " He takes the bag. "Yeah."

"Cute." She winks. "I know earrings that'd go really well with it!"

"Next time."

Walking toward the closest subway station, the setting sun winks in the spaces between city buildings. The street is filled with the lazy hum of post-clock-out, before night time kicks in and the Friday night crowd takes over. Tobio's stomach growls. He looks forward to a full fridge at home. Shouyou absentmindedly swings his shopping bag back and forth. The strips of light breaking up evening shadows, accent the contentment on his face. 

After a passing moment of quiet, Shouyou speaks up. "Hey, so you know how some girls were talking to me before we left?" His bag swishes.

"Yeah." Tobio nods.

"They invited me to a party tomorrow."

Their shoes scuff on the ground, waiting for the crosswalk light to change. When it does, they cross on the diagonal.

"Do you want to go?" Shouyou asks. 

Tobio looks at him. "They invited you not me."

Shouyou's laugh is lost in the crowd. "Ok, well, I'm inviting you now. Do you want to go?"

What is there to do at a party? Unfamiliar drunk people waiting around every cramped corner, shouting gibberish over too-loud music, doesn't sound like a fun night. Tobio clicks his tongue. "Not really."

"Awe, come on, Tobio!" Shouyou stamps his foot on the cement. "We're in college, we should do college things! Haven't you ever thought about going to a party before? Aren't you even a little bit curious?"

"No."

At that, Shouyou starts making the most childish and embarrassing groaning noises that Tobio has ever heard and drags his feet, melting to the ground with every step. Tobio kicks him in the ass. "Stop doing that!"

Shouyou yelps. "Ok well! You should come to the party then. It's no fun going alone."

"Invite someone else then."

Shouyou says nothing else the rest of the way to the station.

They get all the way into the subway before Shouyou says anything else. They walk down the stairs and swipe past the turnstile, leaning against a cement column when the train pulls into the station. It slows, hitting them with stale wind and a high pitched whine. Only once they’re inside does he say anything. 

"I want it to be you though,” he says. He looks at the ground as holds onto the overhead pole.

The doors close behind them, Shouyou’s back pressed centimeters away from Tobio. There's too many people and too little space, but a lot of privacy. Shouyou faces away from him, as if talking to the woman sitting in front of them both, but Tobio is the only one that hears.

"Natsu might be your best friend. But you're mine."

The train heads away from the station and inertia closes the last few centimeters.

Tobio asks, "What time is the party?" 

  
  


\------

  
  


There is not one slow moment before 8 pm the next day.

The two wake up in the morning, Tobio going about his business as usual, while Shouyou acts like he drank an entire pot of coffee. He vibrates, grinning to himself. Tobio welcomes volleyball practice more than usual, as it at least keeps Shouyou focused, and takes some of the energy out of him.

Though Tobio knows it’s temporary.

The last half hour is particularly intense. Shouyou tries on five different outfits just to land on one: It’s a short-sleeved button-up with a pink floral design, black skinny jeans, and a salmon belt. And of course, his earrings to top it off. 

Tobio wonders when the fuck Shouyou learned to clean up so well.

Tobio tries to keep up. He has the jeans to match, but a slightly baggy black t-shirt instead. It says some word in English on it, “Lusty” if he’s reading it right (whatever it means, Tobio just likes the font), and as an experiment, his new choker. 

Shouyou assures him he looks fine and shoves him out the door, flushed red in the face. With anticipation, Tobio assumes.

The party starts off just as well as Tobio had imagined. While he recognizes next to no one, Shouyou drags him through a sea of people, waving and pausing to talk every few steps. He shouts to compensate for the music, introducing Tobio behind him. Tobio wonders if he should make an attempt to smile.  

On about the fifth person*, he spots a clearing down the hallway, three meters away from the front door. He assumes it's the kitchen. It's the only room with one normal light on, and a steady flow of people going in — and leaving. 

Fortunately, that's where this fifth mystery friend directs the two of them. 

The fluorescent light is jarring in comparison to the darkness in the hallway, but a good break from the strobing light in the middle of the living room. Tobio takes a deep breath. He can do this. 

Mystery Friend takes them over to the corner, or at least takes Shouyou, while Tobio takes perch by the fridge. It sounds like Shouyou's getting some kind of quick alcohol debriefing, Tobio catching a glimpse of a few different bottles, none of which he's seen outside of advertisements. Over the din of traffic in and out of the kitchen, Shouyou's coos of excitement make their way across the room. Tobio laughs through his nose. 

Settling down into his spot by the fridge, Tobio crosses his arms. His hand absentmindedly wanders up to his neck, tracing the black ribbon there with the back of his knuckle. It's not the first time he's worn it, but the first time he's worn it outside of the apartment. His thumb quickly migrates to the moon charm hanging from the choker. 

He takes a second to daydream as he waits. And as his mind wanders, so do his eyes, spying a familiar face. 

No name comes to his mind though. Does he have classes with him? No, there's something different, he has hair now, but Tobio can imagine him with a shaved head. Though the first name attached to that haircut is Tanaka. And that is certainly not Tanaka. 

The familiar man makes eye contact briefly, before doing a double-take. He squints, and then makes his way further into the kitchen.

Tobio's just about to ask his name when he feels a cup pressed into his hand. It's cold, and his small noise of confusion is drowned out by Shouyou's crowing. 

"There were a lot of different flavors, and I tried a lot of them — didn't drink too much though, because they were gross — and I thought this one you might like." He taps the side of the cup, as if Tobio wasn't already aware of what he was talking about.

Blinking, Tobio turns back around, hoping to find an answer to his lingering question of "who?", but all he sees is the back of the maybe-acquaintance's head as he slips back into the crowd. 

"Oh." Shouyou whispers.  "Did I… ?"

Tobio purses his lips, shaking his head. He studies the contents of his cup as Shouyou waves goodbye to Mystery Friend Number Five, and takes a sip of his own drink. 

It's very orange. Very. With a light frothiness at the top and a lump of something else that Tobio can't place. It seems incredibly suspicious. He sniffs it, deep crease in his brow, and smells sugar. There’s a hint of what he assumes is alcohol, and a  _ lot _ of what he knows is sugar. He lifts his eyes to look at Shouyou's, grinning smugly.

"It's ice cream. Sherbet." He takes a sip of his own for punctuation. "I mean, there is alcohol in it, he said it was vodka. So you have to be really careful because the juice and soda and ice cream makes it taste really good, but don't drink too much."

Tobio tips the cup back, awkward, like he's never used a cup before. Shouyou laughs and Tobio steps on his foot jokingly. It does taste good. Almost too sweet though, and there is something about it that sits heavy in his stomach. It's not bad. He won't mind finishing the rest of the cup. 

Shouyou watches him take another couple of sips, rocking back and forth on his feet, three different types of smiles crossing over his face before Tobio figures: they probably can't stay in the kitchen forever. He stops leaning on the counter top, and lets Shouyou lead the way. There's already a slight uncertainty to his step that must come from his preparatory taste testing. Tobio tries to keep an eye on his back.

  
  


For a long while, he's successful. Stepping out into the crowd again, they meander to nowhere in particular. Tobio helps guide them, looking over the heads of other people if needed, Shouyou playfully whining. And together, the two of them make their way in and out of the kitchen a few more times to grab something else to drink.

For some reason, conversation doesn't seem too hard right now. Maybe it's the alcohol in his system (it is), but Tobio doesn't miss a beat. Or if he does, he doesn't care, and after an hour or so through the party he finds a mellow smile permanently resting on his face. And to top it off, he gets quite a few compliments on his choker. 

Shouyou on the other hand, gets compliments on a number of things. From his earrings to his hair, to his eyes — which Tobio finds a little strange, but he does agree, and says so, only to have the third party click their tongue and try to stare him down.

But staring contests are never good with Tobio.

He looks right back at them, more than a little confused, and they back off almost immediately, leaving the two with a "sorry", and disgruntled and defeated look in their eyes. 

Eventually the two make their way to the living room where two seats on the couch have just freed themselves up. Tobio flops down onto it and just about sinks in, very relieved to be sitting. Shouyou takes a couple of steps, considers the couch, and then considers the floor. At that, Tobio screws up his face, but Shouyou just shakes his head and smiles. 

Shouyou hums. "I think… I need to use the bathroom. So I'll be right back." 

Leaning his head against the back of the seat, Tobio takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Opening them back up feels like the world has shifted just a little bit, and he pulls his legs up onto the seat with him. He may or may not bump the other person on the couch, he can't tell, but he apologizes anyway. They give him a nod.

Without Shouyou, things are quiet. But the seat is comfortable and he really doesn't feel like getting up right now. Instead, Tobio takes out his phone. It's been going off every now and then, and finally opening it up the brightness hits his eyes hard. He almost forgets where the setting is, but he manages to turn it down.

He first sees the groupchat messages. 57. Too many. But he opens it up to rid himself of the notifications. Whatever's being said though, he can't bring himself to read, much less respond.

Or at least until Shouyou responds. It doesn’t read very intelligently but Tobio can’t tell if that’s because Shouyou is drunk, or he is.

 

_ 10:53 PM [Tobio]: hello shouyuu _

 

_ Oh, woops. That should be an "o". _ He corrects it. Shouyou says hello back, so Tobio says hello again, so Shouyou says hello again. Looks like it confuses Hitoka and Tadashi a lot, so Tobio closes the chat. 

There are five notifications left though, all from the same person. He opens it up and gives it a read.

 

_ 8:57 PM [Natsu]: tobio do u kno what this means? i don't understand :(  _

_ 8:57 PM [Natsu]: <img001983542018.jpeg> _

_ 9:00 PM [Natsu]: wait y am i asking u ur horrible at english _

_ 9:14: PM [Natsu]: i got it! i asked mom. _

_ 10:00 PM [Natsu]: good night tobio _

_ 10:34 PM [Natsu]: … hmm… are you there? _

 

Through his mental haze, Tobio manages to type out a response.

 

_ 11:23 PM [Tobio]: Sorry i wast, im her now though _

_ 11:23 PM [Tobio]: hello? _

_ 11:24 PM [Natsu]: tobio! _

_ 11:24 PM [Tobio]: hello _

_ 11:25 PM [Natsu]: how are you?  _

_ 11:26 PM [Tobio]: m good. d you need soething? _

_ 11:27 PM [Natsu]: to talk to you! _

_ 11:27 PM [Tobio]: about what? _

_ 11:28 PM [Natsu]: Hmmm, i dont know. i couldnt sleep and I was lonely. _

_ 11:28 PM [Tobio]: couldnt aleep? _

_ 11:28 PM [Tobio]: *alep _

_ 11:29 PM [Tobio]: *sleep _

_ 11:29 PM [Tobio]: sorry _

_ 11:30 PM [Natsu]: uh _

_ 11:30 PM [Natsu]: are u ok _

_ 11:31 PM [Tobio]: no, no im fine!!! _

_ 11:31 PM [Tobio]: very good _

_ 11:32 PM [Natsu]: :o _

_ 11:32 PM [Natsu]: o: _

_ 11:32 PM [Natsu]: :o _

_ 11:33 PM [Tobio]: wat is that _

_ 11:34 PM [Natsu]: i dont know, u seem like ur lying _

_ 11:34 PM [Natsu]: u used exclamation points _

_ 11:35 PM [Tobio]: I cn us e ecatlamaon poins _

_ 11:36 PM [Natsu]: that was very bad _

_ 11:37 PM [Tobio]: either way, I’m good. I am good. _

_ 11:38 PM [Natsu]: ok :> thats good. are you sleepy? is that why ur typing weird? _

 

Put in a moral standoff, Tobio puffs up his cheeks. Does he answer the truth? Does he answer her as his best friend? Or as Shouyou's little sister? He supposes giving her the gist but leaving out some details shouldn't hurt.

 

_ 11:39 PM [Tobio]: no I’m not sleepy. I’m actually very awake _

_ 11:40 PM [Tobio]: im just distracted _

_ 11:40 PM [Natsu]: oh! what r u doing what r u distracted by _

_ 11:41 PM [Tobio]: uhh _

_ 11:41 PM [Tobio]: I’m at a party _

_ 11:42 PM [Natsu]: is this a drinking party? _

 

Fuck.

 

_ 11:45 PM [Tobio]: uuuuuh _

_ 11:45 PM [Tobio]: …  _

_ 11:46 PM [Tobio]: yes _

_ 11:47 PM [Tobio]: but don’t tell anyone _

_ 11:47 PM [Tobio]:  _ 🤫

_ 11:48 PM [Natsu]: who would i even tell? my mom? _

_ 11:48 PM [Tobio]: I don’t know. Probably? _

_ 11:49 PM [Natsu]: no im not going to tell her. it would get u in trouble _

_ 11:50 PM [Natsu]: or it would at least get shouyou in trouble because she's not ur mom.  _

_ 11:50 PM [Natsu]: and shouyou and i made a deal, where if he doesn't tell on me i don't tell on him _

_ 11:51 PM [Natsu]: like one time, on his birthday — oh well first i gotta tell u _

_ 11:53 PM [Natsu]: for all of our birthdays we bake a cake from scratch the day before. we always bake the same ones. shouyou always gets a chocolate and orange cake. its rly good! _

_ 11:54 PM [Natsu]: but one year he decided he cudnt wait and went into the kitchen in the middle of the night and ate just the top half of the cake. _

_ 11:54 PM [Natsu]: i don't think he even cut it with a fork and knife, he just ate it with his mouth u could see teeth marks and stuff _

_ 11:55 PM [Tobio]: what the fuc k _

_ 11:55 PM [Natsu]: but don't tell anyone _

_ 11:56 PM [Natsu]:  _ 🤫

 

The thought of a child-Shouyou climbing on top of their kitchen dining table like an animal, and gnawing off the entire top half of a cake threatens a laugh out of Tobio. He holds it in best as he can, quiet and covering his mouth, but he receives a couple of looks from the other couch-patrons.

 

_ 11:57 PM [Tobio]: wait how old  _

_ 11:57 PM [Tobio]: was he _

_ 11:57 PM [Tobio]: yuou remembered when this happened right? _

_ 11:58 PM [Natsu]: oh yea! it was his 17th birthday _

_ 11:59 PM [Tobio]: …  _

 

That makes it worse. So much worse. Tobio knew Shouyou when he turned 17, he was a real human person in his life and he just went and did that. Despite Tobio's efforts, the giggles build up and escape him in astonishment. He imagines Natsu is doing the same. A little bit of homesickness rests in his chest. 

 

_ 12:01 AM  [Tobio]: how di d yuour parents not find out? _

_ 12:02 AM [Natsu]: oh they did _

_ 12:02 AM [Natsu]: but I didnt tell them _

_ 12:03 AM [Natsu]: shouyous just rly bad at lying and they could see it in his face _

 

It's hard not to ask more questions. Luckily, Natsu's willing to give more answers, telling Tobio stories from the past few years. Some of them he feels he should have already known, stories of the Hinata home life from Shouyou's high school years. No matter how long Tobio spent at their house, he'd never know everything. 

Maybe it was for good reason that Tobio didn't know before. Most of the stories Natsu's willing to share, Shouyou probably wouldn't be willing to admit to. He’ll have to ask Shouyou for stories about Natsu later.

Deep in the conversation, Tobio forgets about the party entirely. His typos don't get any better, but the loud music has become background noise, and there's no one to talk to. At some point, another person joins him on the couch and he has to move his feet, tucking them closer into himself. But beyond that, no one seems to pay him any mind.

Another half hour passes, before the person next to him says something.

"What?" He asks, not having heard them. Tobio's fingers hesitate over his keyboard, attention torn between his thoughts and the world around him. 

"I said your laugh is cute." 

Tobio turns his head. The girl speaking to him smiles and shrugs, taking a sip of whatever's in her cup. It smells a lot stronger than what Tobio had, but she doesn't bat an eye. Instead she turns to face him all confidence and suave, leaning her head on the back of the couch, long black hair cascading down the beaten leather upholstery. 

"Thank you… " Tobio's voice trails off. Uncertain of what's happening, he tries to turn back to his phone. He manages to type " _ might have to go thers a girl _ " before said girl interrupts again.

"I like your choker."

She's still smiling, eyes scanning his face for something and Tobio feels himself doing the same. The corners of her lips curl like in all those photos saved on Shouyou's tablet back home. 

Being polite, Tobio nods. "Thanks. Again." 

"What's your name?"

He holds his breath. "Kageyama."

"Hm… cute."

"What? It… what?" Since when? What is going on? Tobio pushes his lips together in his signature pout.

"Ha. Sorry." The girl rolls over, head still leaning against the couch. She pulls out a plastic water bottle and drains it of it's last mouthful, sighing through her nose. "I kept looking at you when you were texting. You kept giggling, and it was very cute. Figured I should tell you. That's probably rude. I've probably been being rude this whole time, just, you know." She lifts her cup. "Been trying to keep it down by drinking water, make sure I don't get too crazy." When she turns her head back to Tobio there's a sparkle to her eyes and red in her cheeks.

"It's… ok?" Tobio guesses it is. He doesn't really know what she means by 'keep it down' though. The rudeness? Does water cure rudeness? Maybe Tsukishima's just dehydrated. 

"But then," she continues anyway. "I looked at you."

Tobio shifts.

"You do eyeliner well. You look beautiful."

Something in Tobio's chest feels weird. The tips of his ears feel hot and he can't tell if it's for better or for worse. He steadies himself by playing with his phone case.

A part of him is thrilled to be a called "beautiful" of all things, and another part of him wants to tell her to look away, and never look at  him again. Maybe it's the alcohol. Yes, it must be.

Contented, she lifts her head and looks away, placing her elbow on the couch back instead. She smooths out the skirt of her dress. "Relax. I'm just talking. Just talking. You ever talk to a girl before?"

Tobio clicks his tongue. "Yes, of course." Natsu. Hitoka. His mother… his grandmother.

"Yes. Of course." The girl nods. There’s nothing else to smooth out, so she turns to Tobio once again.

"You ever flirt with a girl before?"

Has he? He can’t say he has. The opportunity never seemed to present itself, school had never been a great place to ‘flirt’, and well.

There had never been a girl he was interested in.

Tobio looks at her. And then he blinks. He rethinks the question to himself but it can't seem to find purchase in his mind.

"Never?" She presses again.

He shakes his head. "No."

"Hm, hm." She nods her head in serious contemplation. "Do you want to try?"

The whole time she speaks the free hand traces little circles in the fabric of her leggings right above her knee. She looks at him expectantly. Confidently. She looks at him knowing she's beautiful, with her hair still carefully in place, cute pink lipstick, and well fitting dress. And he knows it too.

"I don't know." He feels like he’s supposed to say yes. This would be the perfect opportunity. And yet. “I don’t know.”

He tries to look at her the same way she looks at him but he can't. 

None of it makes him feel anything besides slow building, unavoidable panic. 

"I don't know."

The suave act drops, real concern in her voice. "Hey are you ok?" She puts a hand on his shoulder, but it quickly drops as Tobio stands.

But he stands too quickly and the world spins a little. He stumbles. He bows a few times, all of them also too fast and it stirs up his brain some more. He needs to get out. "I'm sorry."

It feels like a bucket of ice water was dumped down his spine. The nape of his neck tingles. Awkwardly, he pushes through those waiting by the couches and further into the apartment. 

There was hardly any space before, but certainly there's not enough now. People shove him along on all sides. Feeling like he's lost ten centimeters of height, he struggles to see an end to the crowd. He's swept away by it like a current. 

Only now does Tobio realize how long it's been since Shouyou left, and that he left at all. Tobio has nothing to ground himself. No anchor. And with all the blue tinted lights, it feels like he's drowning.

Five seconds ago the music hadn't seemed too loud. But now it vibrates in his chest and the base of his ears, roaring unceasingly. 

With his head a cacophony of bass and hyperventilation, strobe lights beating his eyes down into his skull, Tobio is rendered deaf and blind. He tries to call out for Shouyou, but his voice comes out as less than a whisper.

Apparently he’s mute too. 

He makes it through the crowd, but barely, staggering until he runs into something.

At first it feels like a wall until he realizes it's shorter than him. And it's warm, and breathing — and it seems angry. No, not quite angry. 

"Kageyama?" 

Tobio blinks, trying to reign in his breathing. 

"Iwaizumi-senpai?"

  
  


\------

  
  


Resting against an actual wall is relieving. 

Outside the apartment, the hallway is clear, well lit and quiet. Or more quiet than inside, the hum of a faint beat still oozing through. Tobio sits cross legged on the ground, back leaching cold from the wall.

"Watari told me he thought he saw you,” Iwaizumi says. Receiving a quizzical look, he explains. "He was our libero at Seijou. Used to have a shaved head."

Ah.

"Are you hurt?" Iwaizumi asks. His mouth is in a firm line, crease in his eyebrow. 

Tobio wonders if this is what it's like to be Oikawa. He shakes his head, still pacing his breath.

"Ok. Good." Squatting down to get a better look at Tobio, Iwaizumi crosses his arms over his knees. "Were you drinking?"

Tobio nods.

"Did you come alone?"

Tobio shakes his head.

"Did you come with the orange shrimpy?"

Tobio nods.

Iwaizumi laughs. "Yeah I figured."

Tobio manages to smile back. 

It doesn't look like Iwaizumi has changed much since Tobio's seen him last. Stronger, somehow. Bigger. Definitely still playing volleyball or at least keeping in shape. But his eyes are still soft, no matter how angry he might come off.

"You look like you're calming down a bit. Do you want to talk about what happened?" 

Tobio studies Iwaizumi's face as it shifts from laughter to concern.  _ He's handsome _ , Tobio finds himself thinking, which brings back too-recent feelings and a sharp intake of breath.

"Looks like no." Iwaizumi swallows. He places a firm hand on Tobio's shoulder, patting him reassuringly. "You're gonna be ok."

"Thank you." Tobio squeezes out.

With a lopsided smile, Iwaizumi let's him go and straightens up with a stretch. He scuffs his shoe along the stained carpet. Considering both ends of the hallway multiple times, he finally settles and lets out a sigh. 

"Ok, here's the deal. You, are going to stay here. Stay." Iwaizumi points his finger at Tobio like he would a mischievous puppy. Tobio nods. "And I am going to go back in there, find your dumbass, find my dumbass and then all four of us are going to leave. Got it?"

"Ah—"

"Yes. It's Oikawa."

  
  


\------

  
  


"Iwa-chan! What's so important we have to leave? And why is the — aaAH!" Oikawa almost jumps out of his skin. "You."

Tobio pouts in retaliation. 

"Hey, idiot." Iwaizumi starts, trying to pry Oikawa off of him, but he's clinging like a gummy hand on a window. "I know you're absolutely wasted, but can you try, for once in your life, to have a little tact? Like right now. In the present. He's not having a good night."

Toddling out the door behind them, Shouyou stops next to Tobio, looking at him down on the ground. "Not having a good night?" His head looks like it might fall off his neck, so Tobio stands to prevent the inevitable. He wonders how much Shouyou drank after they got separated. 

"You looked fine when I saw you last! You were smiling!" Shouyou continues.

"Oh don't be silly Chibi-chan, Tobio-chan doesn't smile." Oikawa teases, making a poor attempt to pat Shouyou on the arm. 

"Well he smiles around me. Maybe he just doesn't like you!"

Before that conversation can happen, Tobio tries to step in. But his voice stays much the same as before, a quiet hush barely more than a whisper. "Can you both. Stop?" He doesn't expect it to work but it does. 

Iwaizumi shoots him a sympathetic look, and Tobio shoots a grateful one back. He takes a moment  to take a look at Shouyou before they leave and get out of the good lighting. His hair seems a little ruffled along with his shirt, a rosy color permanently staining his cheeks. He looks up at Tobio with watery, worried eyes. 

"You look terrible, Tobio-chan," Oikawa chimes in helpfully. 

"Are you ok?" Shouyou asks.

For the thousandth time tonight, Tobio nods. 

  
  


\------

  
  


The ride home is peaceful. 

The four of them pack into Iwaizumi's sedan, which is clean and orderly except for the passengers side. It seems to be where Oikawa typically takes up residence, leaving a seat full of garbage in his wake. Though he’s buckled in, Oikawa turns all the way around in his seat. 

During the ride he picks up four different water bottles he's been keeping on the seat, most of which are empty. Iwaizumi doesn't even take the time to say anything, just swats them out of Oikawa's hand and onto the floor, an obvious habit. And Oikawa, drunk out of his mind, simply stares agape at his sudden empty hand.

Tobio never thought seeing Oikawa would cheer him up. Yet here he is.

After finding a bottle that is full, Oikawa drinks from it, then offers it up to Shouyou. Shouyou weakly grasps and misses a couple of times, before finally taking it, cooing. Tobio watches him struggle to take the cap off.

"Did you two eat anything before going to the party?" Iwaizumi asks from the front seat.

"Nope!" Shouyou responds cheerfully over the mouth of the water bottle.

"No," Tobio says.

Oikawa snickers. "Is this your first time drinking?" 

Shouyou nods vigorously. And badly. 

"You're crazy, chibi-chan." Oikawa cackles. 

With a slap on the wrist from Iwaizumi, Oikawa turns around, letting go of his seat's head support. His legs slide forward as he slumps in the chair, discarded bottles crinkling on the floor.

"You're one to talk," Iwaizumi says. "And you're cleaning my car in the morning, I'm tired of this."

"Iwa-chaaaa—"

"No. You're cleaning."

Tobio turns to look out the window. Tall city street lights trail on the reflections of cars. The road ahead of them painted with shimmering red tail lights, framed by tall compact buildings and colorful signage. Even though it's almost summer, the window is still cool and he presses his cheek against it.

For a little while all Tobio hears is his breathing. Slowed down, calm. He thinks of nothing but the twinkling night time and watches the masses of people walk down the street.  

When they're only a few minutes from home, a warm hand pats him on the leg. Tobio looks to his side and meets Shouyou's eyes. He tries to watch the streetlights in their reflection instead of the worry. Shouyou reassuringly squeezes Tobio's leg and pats it in return, holding it for a brief moment before resting his head against the window again, trying to ignore that he definitely notices how beautiful Shouyou is.

  
  


They finally stop at their apartment. Shouyou stumbles out the door and Tobio follows, grasping Shouyou's arm to steady him. Before they disappear, Iwaizumi steps out of the car and exchanges phone numbers with Tobio. 

"Text me if you need anything else." He says, slipping his phone back into his pocket. "Or if  you just want to talk. Hopefully next time we see each other, it's under better circumstances."

Tobio nods. "Thank you, Iwaizumi-senpai."

"Hajime."

"Thank you, Hajime-senpai."

Iwaizumi chuckles. 

  
  


Shouyou is lucky they got home when they did. As the two of them approach the stairwell up to their apartment, he stops, one hand on his stomach, one hand bracing himself against the wall. 

He holds it in long enough to get to their shared bathroom.

The sound makes Tobio feel not too good himself, so he minds the trashcan as he grabs a rag and water from the kitchen. He chugs a glass himself, and then brings another into the bathroom for Shouyou.

A part of him is annoyed. After being so shaken himself, Tobio imagined going home and hiding himself away. But a greater part of him is concerned, standing worriedly at the bathroom door, teetering back and forth on his toes. Eventually he sits, kneeling on the floor rubbing Shouyou's back in patient circles. Tobio pushes him to brush his teeth despite being tired. 

With his arm around Shouyou’s shoulders, Tobio walks him to bed, tucks him in, and wishes him a good night. 

  
  


Like clockwork, Tobio wakes up at 6 am. He'd turned off his alarm the night before, hoping to avoid this outcome. Yet here he is, sneering at his phone and cursing his biology. After a half hour of staring into nothingness, he leaves his bed, comforter dragging behind him.

He pours a ridiculously tall glass of milk and starts the rice cooker before claiming the couch. 

The apartment is quiet. There's the purr of a car engine a few floors below them, and on a nearby rooftop a flock of birds stretch their wings. It’s strange, considering that Shouyou would be bouncing off the walls by now, ready to go on their morning run. But it's good. Quiet is good for today. 

The milk is rejuvenating. Nursing it slowly to make it last, it serves as the last kick to bring Tobio to full consciousness. But as his mind warms up, last night’s anxieties begin to resurface. 

Tobio leaves the couch, slipping out of his comforter. The rice isn't done yet, so he preps the rest of his breakfast, finishing off his milk. Keeping one eye on the stove, he takes out his phone and reviews messages from last night before sending something out to Natsu.

 

6:30 AM [Tobio]: I don't know if you're awake yet, but sorry I left like that last night.

6:30 AM [Tobio]: Shouyou and I made it home safe

6:31 AM [Tobio]: Iwaizumi drove us home

 

He gets a response as he's sitting down with his food at the coffee table.

 

_ 6:54 AM [Natsu]: was the grand king there  _ 👹

_ 6:55 AM [Tobio]: yes he was _

_ 6:56 AM[Natsu]: <(｀^´)> _

_ 6:56 AM [Tobio]: he didn't do much _

_ 6:57 AM [Tobio]: he was kind of too drunk to do anything _

_ 6:58 AM [Natsu]: oh ok _

_ 7:01 AM [Natsu]: So _

_ 7:01 AM [Natsu]: ur a big boy now _

_ 7:01 AM [Tobio]: ??? _

_ 7:02 AM [Tobio]: I'm older than you??? _

_ 7:03 AM [Natsu]: so how was it. the party _

_ 7:04 AM [Tobio]: it… was ok _

_ 7:04 AM [Natsu]: u left rly suddenly _

_ 7:04 AM [Natsu]: i figured something happened between u and  _

_ 7:05 AM [Natsu]: the girl §ԾᴗԾ§ _

 

Tobio neatly lays his chopsticks on top of his dishes, chewing the last of his food. He runs his hand through his hair, hoping to comb the answer out of his brain. He stares at his empty hand.

Does he even has a good answer for himself? The memory sloshes around in his skull, a soup of mixed emotions threatening to boil over. Something tells him they need to boil over, but he’s scared of burning. 

But Natsu is a good friend. And she deserves an answer.

 

_ 7:08 AM [Natsu]: Tobio? _

_ 7:08 AM [Tobio]: Sorry _

_ 7:08 AM [Tobio]: It was something _

_ 7:08 AM [Tobio]: I don't know how to explain what happened _

_ 7:09 AM [Natsu]: hm.  _

_ 7:09 AM [Natsu]: how about you just start at the beginning? _

_ 7:09 AM [Tobio]: wow _

_ 7:10 AM [Natsu]: im not joking!!!! _

_ 7:10 AM [Natsu]: im being serious ヾ(｀◇´)ﾉ彡 _

_ 7:10 AM [Tobio]: ok, ok _

_ 7:11 AM [Tobio]: the beginning? _

_ 7:11 AM [Natsu]: yes _

_ 7:12 AM [Tobio] this girl sat next to me on the couch that I was sitting on. And she told me my laugh was cute. _

_ 7:12 AM [Natsu]: well she's right _

_ 7:13 AM [Tobio]: eugh _

_ 7:13 AM [Tobio]: stop _

_ 7:13 AM [Natsu]: ok :> _

_ 7:13 AM [Tobio]: she told me my laugh was cute and then _

_ 7:14 AM [Tobio]: ok not a lot happened now that I'm thinking about it  _

_ 7:14 AM [Tobio]: but she said I was beautiful. And that made me kind of happy but also confused. And I wasn't really talking very much _

_ 7:15 AM [Natsu]: sounds like u _

_ 7:16 AM [Tobio]: so she made a joke about talking to girls, and flirting with girls… and she asked if I wanted to try flirting with her _

_ 7:16 AM [Natsu]: ok _

_ 7:16 AM [Natsu]: so _

_ 7:17 AM [Natsu]: uhhh _

_ 7:17 AM [Tobio]: and then I ran away _

_ 7:17 AM [Natsu]: right _

_ 7:18 AM [Natsu]: why exactly did u run away? _

_ 7:18 AM [Tobio]: I don't know. It felt wrong _

_ 7:19 AM [Natsu]: wrong? _

_ 7:21 AM [Tobio]: …  _

_ 7:23 AM [Tobio]: she was very pretty. She confident and seemed cool. And… she was being really nice to me. _

_ 7:24 AM [Tobio]: I liked being called beautiful. _

_ 7:24 AM [Tobio]: but I just didn't want it. I didn't want her. Or to flirt with her _

_ 7:24 AM [Natsu]: ok _

_ 7:25 AM [Natsu]: i mean u dont have to like everyone _

_ 7:25 AM [Tobio]: that's not it though. It felt like I didn't like her for a reason.  _

_ 7:26 AM [Natsu]: ఠ_ఠ _

_ 7:26 AM [Natsu]: Tobio _

_ 7:27 AM [Natsu]: last summer when u were babysitting me, do u remember what u told me _

_ 7:28 AM [Tobio]: what _

_ 7:28 AM [Natsu]: u told me u like Shouyou _

  
  


There's another message, but Tobio's vision is too blurry to read it. 

He blinks, wiping away the hot tears that roll down his face. The lump in his throat won't go down no matter how much he swallows, so he takes a sip of his water. 

Doubting the burning in his eyes will go away any time soon, Tobio cleans up his breakfast, and heads into his room as he continues the conversation.

  
  


_ 7:28 AM [Natsu]: is that still true? _

_ 7:29 AM [Tobio]: yes _

_ 7:29 AM [Natsu]: u know that shouyous like _

_ 7:29 AM [Natsu]: a boy _

_ 7:29 AM [Natsu]: right _

_ 7:30 AM [Tobio]: yes of course I know that _

_ 7:30 AM [Natsu]: ok well im kinda confused about what ur struggling with _

_ 7:31 AM [Tobio]: I don't understand what you're saying _

_ 7:31 AM [Natsu]: i feel like u do _

_ 7:32 AM [Natsu]: i feel like u know exactly wat im saying _

_ 7:32 AM [Natsu]: u like shou because he's a boy tobio _

_ 7:32 AM [Natsu]: right? _

_ 7:32 AM [Natsu]: u probably didnt want to flirt with that girl because shes a girl _

_ 7:36 AM [Natsu]: tobio? _

_ 7:36 AM [Natsu]: r u still there? _

_ 7:37 AM [Tobio]: yes I'm here _

_ 7:37 AM [Natsu]: did u read what i said? _

_ 7:37 AM [Tobio]: yes i did _

_ 7:39 AM [Natsu]: …  _

_ 7:39 AM [Natsu]: r u ok _

_ 7:39 AM [Tobio]: I'm  _

_ 7:40 AM [Tobio]: I don't know _

_ 7:40 AM [Tobio]: I don't know what any of this means. _

_ 7:41 AM [Tobio]: am I gay? What does that mean, what does it mean to be gay? Not literally, but what does it mean for /me/.  _

_ 7:44 AM [Tobio]: what does it mean to be a gay person, what is that going to mean about the rest of my life? do I have to be that way? I've never really thought about this before Natsu, I've never really thought about having a crush even. I don't know if I've ever felt the way I feel about Shouyou about someone else, but somehow I do know it's because he's a boy. Even though I've never had a crush on anyone, a boy or a girl, and I'm suddenly so aware of it I don't know what to do with it. _

_ 7:44 AM [Tobio]: I don't know what to do with that information. _

_ 7:47 AM [Natsu]: im sorry _

_ 7:47 AM [Natsu]: i dont know how to help u _

_ 7:47 AM [Natsu]: im really sorry _

_ 7:47 AM [Tobio]: no don't apologize _

_ 7:48 AM [Tobio]: it's ok _

_ 7:48 AM [Tobio]: I'm sorry _

_ 7:48 AM [Natsu]: ive just never felt this way before _

_ 7:49 AM [Natsu]: i never rly thought abt it either _

_ 7:49 AM [Tobio]: it's ok. You're 9 _

_ 7:49 AM [Tobio]: and you don't have to answer all those questions for me _

_ 7:50 AM [Natsu]: i wish i was older. then maybe id be able to help u. _

_ 7:50 AM [Tobio]: don't apologize for that you _

_ 7:50 AM [Tobio]: you _

_ 7:51 AM [Natsu]: dumbass? _

_ 7:51 AM [Tobio]: yea _

_ 7:52 AM [Tobio]: or, no. I feel bad calling you dumbass _

_ 7:52 AM [Natsu]: u call shou dumbass all the time _

_ 7:53 AM [Tobio]: but he's different _

_ 7:53 AM [Natsu]: he's shouyou? _

_ 7:53 AM [Tobio]: he's Shouyou. _

_ 7:55 AM [Natsu]: maybe u shud talk to other gay ppl because they can probably understand u better _

_ 7:55 AM [Tobio]: other gay people? _

_ 7:56 AM [Natsu]: yeah! _

_ 7:56 AM [Natsu]: i uh, dont know where u would find them tho lol _

_ 7:57 AM [Tobio]: wait _

_ 7:57 AM [Tobio]: is today Sunday? _

_ 7:58 AM [Natsu]: yes _

_ 7:58 AM [Natsu]: look at ur phone ur holding it in ur hands _

_ 7:59 AM [Tobio]: it is Sunday _

_ 7:59 AM [Tobio]: and it's not 1 pm yet _

_ 7:59 AM [Natsu]: nope! _

_ 8:00 AM [Natsu]: still morning _

_ 8:00 AM [Tobio]: ok. _

_ 8:00 AM [Tobio]: I think I know somewhere I can go _

 

\------

  
  


The club room Tobio finds is much different than any clubroom he’s ever been in.

Then again, Tobio hasn’t gone to many non-volleyball clubs in a while, and certainly not in college. So maybe, this is normal. 

It's a small conference room, with a long sleek table in the center that has a projector on one end. On the hallway facing side are tall windows, blocked by blinds. On the other side hangs a row of contemporary art that Tobio doesn't understand over a warm burgundy paint. 

The paper sign taped to the glass door reads exactly as it did on the bulletin two days ago. 

"LGBT circle, Sundays, 1-2 pm, room 437a. We have snacks!"

But as it is, the room is empty. Tobio clicks his tongue at the time on his phone. He contemplates visiting the commissary downstairs, but 15 minutes might be cutting it close. Then again, he did overestimate the 20 minute walk from his apartment to the university. Trying not to run too many circles in his head, Tobio occupies himself by tracing patterns with his foot in the carpet.

A few minutes later he’s interrupted by the shuffle of feet.

The girl doesn't say anything at first, only staring at him over an armful of large plastic tupperware and a massive binder. Upon eye contact, she looks away, towards the door of the conference room, and then at the floor before meeting his eyes again. Tobio never really looked away.

"Do you… are you?" She stutters.

Tobio raises his eyebrows, only now realizing he was scowling. He points, fidgety, at the paper sign. "I'm… wait for the… the thing."

"Oh ok," the girl laughs. "Well you're early but yes, this is the place for the thing." 

Struggling to pull out her keys to the room, Tobio offers to take some of the tupperware and follows her inside. 

It even smells like a conference room — whatever that means. Tobio's not sure how he recognizes the lingering smell of coffee and carpet, but it matches the pristine office aesthetic. The girl directs him to place everything at the head of the table, opposite the projector. 

"What's your name?" She asks, inviting him to sit down. 

He does so. "Kageyama.” He watches as she begins opening up the containers to reveal what appears to be homemade pastries and snacks. Tobio perks up. “Did you make these?"

She laughs again. "Yes indeed! I do every time, helps me relax at the end of the week. Since you're here early you can sneak one if you want." Tobio leans forward, arms under the table, reaching only to delicately grab a cookie. He nods his thanks as she continues. "My name's Chie by the way. Are you a freshman?" 

_ Oh this cookie is delicious. _ "Yef." He says, one hand over his mouth. That gets another smile out of her.

"Cool!" Chie opens the massive binder, flipping to a particular tab. "Are you interested in joining? I would hope so since you're here."

Tobio shrugs.

"Ok, well, since this is a circle and not a club we have less restrictions — which is good because honestly," She unclasps her binder for punctuation. "I do not know what we do here."

At that, Tobio screws up his face, taking the paper and pen Chie hands him.

"It's not a bad thing! We just mostly sit around and talk. It really is just a meeting more than anything since we don't really have anything to compete in."

"Being gay?"

Chie laughs a bit harder than before. "Yes, here at Nittaidai we fight to be the gayest in all of Tokyo."

The form in front of him is straight forward. Nibbling the last bit of the cookie, he fills it all out as other members start to arrive.

Greeting Chie first, most of them ask who he is and give him a welcoming bow and a smile, grabbing a treat for themselves as they sit. All of them look just like regular people, and Tobio squints at the paper wondering what in the world he thought they would look like. 

In total, there are ten other members. The third to come in stops right by his chair, half sitting on the table. 

"Long time no see." Says Iwaizumi.

Tobio sits up straight, eyes blown wide. "Iwai— Ha… ji—"

"If you feel uncomfortable, just say Iwaizumi."

"Iwaizumi-senpai!"

Iwaizumi chuckles, low and warm, gently setting down his coffee and sliding into the seat next to Tobio.

"Coffee? At one in the afternoon?" Asks Chie, and Iwaizumi gives her a solemn nod, taking a homemade croissant to go with it.

"Is Tooru not coming today?" Asks someone across the table. 

Iwaizumi shakes his head, but smirks. "Dumbass has a hangover."

Seeing as everyone is settled in, Chie welcomes everyone to the meeting. Acknowledging their new member, she starts off introductions, listing her name, gender, and sexuality, encouraging any who are comfortable enough, to go around in a circle and do the same. Considering the size of their group and how close they all seem even to Tobio's untrained eye, each of them willingly give all three.

Some of the words Tobio doesn’t recognize. Iwaizumi for example, says he's pansexual. He’ll have to look that up later.

Lastly, Tobio only says his name and gender. 

Continuing from there, Chie brings up three pieces of current events in LGBT news, making sure to end it on a positive note. And then, she opens it up to discussion.

Apparently, as Tobio learns, "discussion" in this club, is an update on everyone's personal life. Not too personal for some, but an update to see how everyone's doing. Half of it has nothing to do with sexuality at all but movies, or sports, or something weird someone's dog did. It's the most he's ever learned about any group of people in one day. And it's comforting.

Eventually it points to Tobio. He pouts as he tries to think of what to say.

"I actually have a question… to ask. That's why I came here." His skin suddenly feels very itchy.

"Go ahead." Says Chie sweetly. 

"How… " Tobio can feel Iwaizumi in particular looking at him. "How can you tell? How do you know that you're gay?"

The room takes a collective, contemplative sigh. A couple of people smile too, Iwaizumi included. 

"I don't know if there's an answer to that question."

"Well, no, I think there's an answer, there's just not  _ one _ answer.”

"That's true."

"It's just sort of a gut feeling, isn't it? I mean some people know, some people think they know and then it changes."

Tobio hums, and bites his lip.

Nervous, he explains what he explained to Natsu. About the party, and about his crush on Shouyou. Iwaizumi has a knowing look on his face when Tobio mentions the last part, and Tobio feels a little bit of heat creep into his face. 

"I know as I say it, it sounds obvious." Tobio scowls at the table. It feels obvious. A clear tug at his heart when he looks at Shouyou, or talks to Shouyou, or is around Shouyou. A few times in middle school he’d looked at the upperclassmen boys and felt a little scandalized, though he dismissed it as intimidation or admiration back then. And when that girl talked to him, he felt nothing besides flattery.

Still, that must be a fluke right? Maybe? To make such a claim about himself seems…  drastic, doesn’t it? 

Tobio furrows his brow, “What if I’m wrong?”

A girl across the table purses her lips, folding her hands in front of her. “I think if you were wrong you would know. I understand where you’re coming from — when I first thought about being a lesbian I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. But if you’re honest with yourself you won’t need to question it. At least that’s how it was for me.” 

She explains, her moment of clarity was on a warm spring day in her middle school club room, changing clothes alongside her teammates. It was a day that should have gone by without notice, she says, except for some reason that day, her skin felt extra hot, and looking away from the locker in front of her seemed dangerous.

“After that first time questioning myself, I kept looking back and realizing I everything I had been doing because I was a lesbian — lots of old memories began to make sense. And I think I knew I wasn’t wrong because I had no reason to be.”

Her story brings up a lot of memories for other people, so they decide to share their own. Many of them have themes of questioning, which, if it doesn’t bring clarity, at least eases some of Tobio’s anxieties. 

One person says they tried out flirting with men to sort out their feelings. So that’s what they suggest to Tobio. 

“I’m not sure if I want to do that. I’m pretty sure already that I like… boys,” Tobio says.The idea of going after someone who isn’t Shouyou makes him uncomfortable to say the least. Besides, he’s not sure he’d fair well flirting with anyone.

“Then what’s the issue?” Iwaizumi asks. He twists in his chair to look at Tobio. “If you’re  _ sure _ you like boys, why are you wondering if you’re wrong?”

The room sits in silence as Tobio scratches at the plastic of his armrest. He puzzles a while before saying, “I don’t know, I just feel like it should be.” 

The likelihood of it just seems small. There are articles about LGBT statistics published somewhere in the world, statistics about how few gay people there are to straight people. Tobio’s heard numbers thrown around somewhere, though he’s not sure where.

That’s really all they are in Tobio’s experience — a statistic. Something hinted at but never fully explained. Something whispered about in the back corner of a classroom, or shoved under the rug at family gatherings.

Not something real.

And it definitely isn’t probable, that out of all the people in the world, Tobio is one of them. But then again, out of all the people in this room, what are the chances that he isn’t? 

Maybe he should trust himself more than statistics.

“I might be overthinking it,” Tobio says.

Iwaizumi sits back in his chair with a small grin. “Sounds about right.”

  
  
  
  


The club disbands around 2:30 pm, half an hour later than they're scheduled to. Iwaizumi assures Tobio that's normal. They leave the room together, deciding to take a walk to a nearby tea shop to talk a little longer. 

It's a neat little place, shoved in the corner of a building with five other stores, the walls painted a pale green, and decorated with photos of the owner's cat. 

Iwaizumi orders a smoothy rather than tea, and Tobio orders an iced milk tea. It tastes good. 

The two decide to walk and talk, catching up on the past two years of their lives. Tobio doesn't have anything extraordinary to say, though he's pretty sure he said plenty back at the club. 

Iwa on the other hand, has a lot to untangle. He spares Tobio most of the details, figuring most of it is irrelevant and gossipy, a waste of both of their time. The big pieces though, the important parts, he makes sure to update Tobio on.

"Oikawa is my boyfriend," Iwaizumi says. "It was ridiculous actually, getting to the point we are now. A lot of mind games and idiocy. You know, Oikawa."

"Yeah."

"But also a lot of… mush."

"Also very Oikawa,” Tobio says. Iwaizumi nods.

And when they reach the end of their time together — taking a leisurely hour to get to Tobio's apartment — Tobio decides to ask one final question.

"Iwaizumi," He starts. Having finished his drink he plays with a bend in the straw. "There’s something I still don’t understand."

"Shoot."

"What do you think… what does being mean about, who I am? What does it mean if I’m gay?"

Iwaizumi claps him on the arm. "It means you're going to be just fine."

  
  


\------

  
  


Opening their apartment door, the scent of fresh coffee wafts past Tobio and into the corridor. He gently closes it behind him, careful to stop his keys from clanging together.

An empty mug sits on the coffee table, television playing at the lowest volume possible. On the couch lies a Shouyou-shaped lump of blankets. A poof of orange hair sticks out the one side as confirmation he's actually there. Despite everything Iwaizumi and the other's said, Tobio's heart clamors in his chest. 

Continuing to clutch his keys together, Tobio tiptoes around the scene to get to his room. 

But as he does, one hand reaches up from the couch, barely fast enough to catch the hem of his shirt. Tobio turns, peering down at the tuft of hair. "Mmmm" is all that comes out at first, but then as Tobio tries to leave again a small voice croaks from beneath the blanket. 

"Where did you go?"

He tries his best to breathe. "I went to the school."

Pulling back the blanket around him, Shouyou finally reveals his face. The folds in the blanket have printed themselves on his cheek.

Tobio lets out a puff of air when Shouyou pushes no further. But still he holds go of Tobio's shirt and points at his empty mug. 

"Will you get me more?" He sounds very pathetic. Tobio sighs. 

"Get it yourself." He says, picking up the mug and walking into the kitchen. He shoves his keys in his pocket.

He hears a barely audible "Thank you!" from the living room. 

When he gets back, Shouyou's upright blanket curled around him. Tobio hands over the coffee, combing his hands through the little curls of Shouyou's hair in a poor attempt to get it looking neat and orderly. Or as neat and orderly as Shouyou's hair ever is. At least now it isn't flat on one side. 

"Why are you ok?" Shouyou mumbles.

Tobio squints. "I'm pretty sure you drank more than me. You seemed about as drunk as Oikawa."

"Oikawa?"

Tobio clicks his tongue.

"What did you even do last night after you went to the bathroom?"

As gravity pulls the blanket slowly away from him, and when the nth cup of coffee hits Shouyou's system, he starts to look, if not less hungover, more awake. "Mm, well I went into the kitchen, and someone was doing shots. And there were, there were a lot of people cheering for them. I don't know they seemed really good at it and I wanted —"

"Oh my god."

"I wanted to try it! That's all." Shouyou pouts into his coffee. "I didn't do that many. At least I don't think so, I can't remember."

Running his tongue over his teeth, worry formulates in Tobio's mind. He chews on it.

"Ok well, what about you; what did you do after I left?" 

"… Nothing."

"Oh. Well…  Did you have a good time?"

Shouyou turns to actually look at him, eyes opening despite how tired they are. A tiny hopeful smile on his face. So genuine. And so cute. 

He is so cute.

There is no way this crush isn’t real if Shouyou makes him want to cough up roses. He’s made him want to cough up roses and spin his tears into honey since year one, and Tobio remembers how last summer, Natsu called it “love”.

Heat prickles at the corners of his eyes. 

His expression must scare the shit out of Shouyou, his jaw dropping open, hurriedly but carefully putting the mug back onto the table to free his hands up enough to grab Tobio's. 

But it hurts him. 

So Tobio squeezes his hands back and puts them down.

_ You're going to be just fine _ . 

He presses his eyes shut, hard, and the moment passes.

"It was fine. I was — I had a good time when I was with you. And afterwards, when we were with Iwaizumi and Oikawa."

Shouyou still looks worried, more worried than Tobio ever wants him to be, but he swallows it and tries to smile. "You mentioned Oikawa before but now Iwaizumi, what's up with that?"

Tobio leans back in his seat, and watches Shouyou relax. "They took us home last night. Iwaizumi drove, Oikawa was a hot mess in the passenger's seat."

"Oh. Did he… ya know." Shouyou imitates the sound of vomit accompanied by hand gestures.

"No, but you know who did? You. Do you remember that at least?"

"Hm… "

"Well." Tobio glares at Shouyou. "You did."

Shouyou screws up his eyebrows. "Did it get on you?"

"No. I stayed by you while it happened, though. You know it's not good for you, right?"

"Yes. I know that." Having decided the worst was over, Shouyou reaches again for his coffee, sinking into the couch with it in an attempt to hide himself. "I'm not that stupid."

Tobio scolds himself internally. Sighing, he stands up, not tracking if Shouyou watches him or not. Making his way into the kitchen, Tobio looks over their food options.

"I'm making food," Tobio speaks, head in the fridge. "Do you want some?"

He straightens up to look over the counter top, Shouyou puzzling by himself. Quiet. And so far away. Tobio catches his eye, looks at the kitchen table and back again at Shouyou. Understanding, Shouyou waddles into the kitchen, deciding to leave the bulky comforter behind.

Shouyou twiddles his feet under the table.

"You're not stupid, dumbass." Tobio says as he pulls out some of the makings of okonomiyaki from the fridge. 

"You know what dumbass means, right?"

Tobio gives Shouyou an exasperated look. Most would not consider it a smile, but Shouyou knows and has to bite back a smile of his own. 

After that, the quiet doesn't seem quite as unsettling. But another few moments pass by in silence, and Tobio starts chewing the inside of his cheek. 

"Did you have fun? At the party I mean."

"Oh! Yeah I did," Shouyou cheerfully replies. Tobio smiles to himself as he starts to cut the vegetables. "I really liked getting to talk to so many people at once. And, heh, drinking was fun actually. I don't remember the vomiting part so I guess I didn't really mind it but—" Tobio throws him a glare. "I won't get to that point again!"

Having finished his coffee, Shouyou joins Tobio in the kitchen to wash his mug. Tobio talks over the sound of rushing water and clinking of ceramic. 

"You’d better not. I liked being around you, but once I was left alone…  I don’t know" The next party probably wouldn’t be the same. Maybe it’d be better after he’s already started to sort things out in his heart. “If you're going to go and drink like that again, I'd rather be with you to make sure you're ok."

At the sound of water shutting off, Tobio turns to Shouyou. Shouyou tilts his head. "I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to."

"I want to," Tobio says. He briefly puts down his knife. "It's worth going if it means you're going to be safe."

Shouyou looks at him. He looks at him like he did back on graduation day, when he held Tobio's face in his hands, and smiled with great relief and satisfaction. 

“I don't know what I'd do without you," Shouyou says.

Tobio has never wished he could kiss someone more in his life. 

"You'd be really bad at volleyball, that's for sure."

Shouyou kicks him in the butt. "Shut up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my beta readers [Kimmi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmagoesblep/works) and [Remmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remembrance/pseuds/Remembrance)
> 
> I hope you have a wonderful day!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I just want to make one thing clear. (2 things maybe sort of ish.)
> 
> Kageyama's experience as an autistic person in this fic is not supposed to reflect autism as a whole. There's literally no way I could do that, because autism is such an incredibly broad spectrum, and depends on each person who has it. And his secret in the end is supposed to be his crush on Hinata, not his autism (idk if that confused anyone but I just wanted to put it out there.)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this! You can hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/CO32minus)
> 
> (Illustration done by me)


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